I am not eligible to serve as a juror in actress Lindsay Lohan's alleged lying-to-cops trial in Los Angeles. But like millions, I am already empaneled instead in the court of public opinion, and I have already rendered my verdict: GUILTY!
Not on the charges of fibbing to law enforcement, an alleged offense that should have merited her ten years in time out in a far corner of the globe, and a good old fashioned spanking by a responsible member of her family tree, if there are any.
But GUILTY for making a career out of disrespect, knowing full well the world is watching.
Disrespecting her family. Where I come from, the words 'black sheep' would have already been slapped on like a good housekeeping seal of disapproval.
Disrespecting her good fortune. A young talent with more promise than TMZ freelance photographers, who has squandered away career opportunities thousands only wish for.
Disrespecting her industry. Maybe Lindsay really is a cat, and has nine lives. I doubt it. Not even a future role as an Elizabeth Taylor-like Catwoman can resurrect a career that has been afforded countless third, fourth and fifth 'second' chances.
Disrespecting herself and her God-given talent. If it is a future part as a narcissist, addicted to poor influences and terrible lifestyle choices that habitually squash her God-given abilities and self-esteem that Lohan is after in her public auditions, then she has nailed it!
Disrespecting authority. This morning her inconsideration hit another low, like Florida sinkhole LOW. After getting off a commercial flight bound for Southern California yesterday, she boarded a private jet, only to arrive to court 48 minutes late. That kind of 'I am special and above the law' attitude, snubbing authorities is repugnant, bad manners and incredibly inconsiderate.
Add to that her decision to arrive in what will surely look great sometime after midnight in the VIP section of the Mondrian Hotel's SkyBar - a yard of sheer fabric left over from someone's Holy Communion dress - and Lohan's crimes against social graces far outweigh what she must answer to today in an LA courtroom.
This slow-motion trainwreck of poor behavior is as tiring as the thought of yet another season of the Real Housewives of Orange County. Where is Andy Cohen when we need him? Sentence poor Linds to a season with the women of Bravo, place her under house arrest with Lisa Vanderpump, and for the sake of us all, keep her away from Sur, Villa Blanca or Pacific Coast Highway.