SOMETHING ELSE TO CHEW ON

I've blogged about this before, but channel surfing through E Entertainment Television made me drop the remote. Surely Lamar Odom, handsome from head to toe in the front row of sister-in-law Kim Kardashian's Fairy Tale Wedding that by now has been viewed by billions of people, shooting stars, aliens and even groundhogs - was not chomping away on a piece of gum before television lenses!
It was someone else, I thought. It wasn't. He's not really chewing, probably just yawning in boredom until the NBA matter is resolved, or the vows are over, whichever comes first. He was. I wanted to grab him by the bow tie and dunk him!
And we've all seen our share of Lamars: the mourners at a funeral, the church-goers at Sunday's service, the peppy secretary at the front desk - all chomping away on a wad of gum! Emily Post once wrote, 'It is still impossible to imagine a lady walking on a city street and either chewing gum or smoking.' Sure, she wrote that before color television, ipods and the Kardashian clan came along, but imagine what she would think today? It is a bad habit practiced so regularly now that many people aren't even aware that it is in poor taste and disrespectful. If polite, civilized behavior is based on the tenet of respect, then how inconsiderate is it to worship in God's house, gather to witness a marriage, or conduct business while chewing like a cow? Not only is it rude, but it is a guaranteed impression-buster. If you're going to go to the trouble and expense of suiting up for an important or special occasion, why undo your efforts with gum-chewing? You might as well light up a cigarette and grab a flask while you're at it. This nervous habit is not lady-like nor gentlemanly and is best left in the privacy of your own home or car. So from my keyboard to Lamar's ears, here's hoping before the Fairy Tale Reunion episode, Kris or Bruce discreetly offered the Laker a tissue. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot."

HERE COMES THE BRIDE

No one in the world will likely exchange wedding vows in front of as many uninvited guests as Catherine Middleton will when she weds Prince William in the morning before a global televised audience estimated to be in the millions. Protocol experts have been busy helping those who received an invitation brush up on their royally best behavior. The rest of us will be able to get by without wearing even so much as a robe or slippers, and we won't have to worry about how to address the Queen at the punch bowl.
But the Royal Wedding serves as a fun reminder to anyone who is invited to witness such an important occasion as the marriage of two people, that everyone has an obligation of some sort. Wedding guests should participate in the celebration and enjoy themselves, but not detract from the stars of the show - the bride and groom. Invited guests who attend a wedding and reception are expected to give the bride and groom a gift. Presents should be delivered to the bride's residence before the big day, although it is acceptable to bring it with you to the reception.
Guests should not be late. It's doubtful the bride will enjoy the photographer's picture of her about to walk down the aisle on her father's arm, with her co-worker in the background trying to slip into the church.
Once seated, guests should acknowledge friends and relatives with a smile and nod. Leave the high-fives for the reception, especially if the wedding takes place in a house of worship. Be mindful of the dress. Your clue is the time of day. A wedding before five or six o'clock in the evening will not require such formal attire. We are in the land of Levis here in the San Joaquin Valley, but even if you're a denim dude, ditch the jeans. Same goes for your 10-gallon cowboy hat and chewing tobacco. Remember, this is the bride's big day. All eyes should be on her, not the guest who looks like her shift at the strip club just ended.
And take note to the names of the invited guests on the envelope the day the invitation arrives. If it says Mr. and Mrs. Smith and family, bring the kids. An event such as a wedding has been in the planning stages for months, with costs calculated down to the number of people expected to attend. It is not a come- one- come-all affair.
When the bride begins her march down the aisle, give her a beaming smile should your eyes meet. Don't whistle or wave to try to catch her attention. You'll have plenty of time to share the love after the ceremony. Remember, an invitation to witness the union of two people is an honor. Respect the privilege. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'.