UNFRIENDLY SKIES

There are a number of things I have always wanted to do from 30,000 feet above sea level: Take a bubble bath, have first class all to myself, and post a blog. On this trip from ATL to LAX, one out of three isn't bad. An earlier connecting flight from MEM provided great fodder and another display of frustrating incivility. I'm not sure what is worse -the teething toddler in excruciating pain or the adult motormouth who intends on making small talk from takeoff to taxing to the gate! We were treated to the latter - a 75 minute chat-a-thon between the man two rows behind us and the poor woman seated next to him who made the mistake of saying hello.
Polite conversation is one thing; talking so loudly you have pulled everyone else around you within a 10 row radius on both sides of the aisle into your babbling about your family reunion in Tupalo is downright inconsiderate. Assuming the seat mate really was interested in hearing about how many times you have riden It's A Small World, turn down the volume! Airplanes are tight quarters, not Grand Central Station. If you are going to hold a fellow passenger hostage in a verbal head lock for an entire flight, at the very least, don't wait until the plane has landed to start making the conversation a two-way one. Should you be unlucky enough to be seated next a chatterbox like this, smile, be polite, then whip out a book, headphones or laptop faster than the speed of light. If the blather continues, there is nothing wrong at this point with mentioning that while you'd love to visit about the weather in Wichita, you have some work to do. Afterall, the friendly skies should be considerate, not monopolizing. It really DOES 'Manner A lot'!

MUSINGS FROM THE ROAD

Author Elizabeth Drew one wrote “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation.” I have a hunch she penned that observation from a rest stop in between family road trips. If you're miles away from civilization and the incivility broadcast on Bravo, take a pen and paper with you while on vacation and take note of the no-no's that seem to abound these days.
Continental breakfasts are a staple of most off-the-highway lodging. Maybe it is time to post the same 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' signs that greet diners and bar patrons. Note to shirtless guy inhaling pre-microwaved hash browns: you may have just rolled out of bed, but you needn't look like it when you're in a public space! Shoeless is fine if you're in the shower, not at the breakfast buffet.
Part of the fun of traveling is exploring new places and sampling different cultures. Memo to loud guys by the entrance to a local eatery: When patrons at nearby tables can't tell whether they are in a recommended local micro-brewery or yankee stadium as they attempt to eat and drink like the natives, it's time to stop behaving like animals.
Poking fun of the housekeeping staff, nabbing a dozen freshly baked cookies instead of one upon check-in, and splashing other guests with your cannonn balls at the hotel pool is guaranteed, as Drew wrote, to lengthen the conversations about incivility on roadways and byways of the great American summer vacation. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'. Happy Trails!

NO GRACE IN SORE LOSER

"If you can react the same way to winning and losing, that is a big accomplishment. That quality is important because it stays with you the rest of your life." - Tennis great Chris Evert

Sadly, that quote was lost on Canadian hockey fans last night after the Vancouver Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins. We've come to expect that scale of sore losership in some corners of the world. But we were blindsided by the behavior of the Vancouver fans, which served as another reminder that good sportsmanship and better fansmanship 'manners a lot'!
Whether one is a player or a zealous spectator, the manner in which you behave in the wake of the win or loss is a true mark of social grace and civility. For it isn't in the victory that we learn about ourselves, but in the losses and defeats.
Last night's rioting had an uncomfortable familiarity to it - losing one's self and common sense in the blinding lights of the moment.
We should all take note of the bad behavior in Vancouver, and remember that the next time our team is victorious, or flames out. As esteemed basketball coach John Wooden said, 'things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." If you haven't yet seen the article at KidsHealth.org about teaching our kids how to be a good sport (which I blogged about last fall), check it out.
Unbridled enthusiasm should never include disrespecting or demeaning someone else or their property. Emily Post writes that if someone 'can't take sports with grace and good temper, then don't go in for them'. Winners - don't gloat; Losers - don't sulk! Afterall, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'.

ODE TO MOTHERS

The dictionary defines the word 'Mother' as a female parent, a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother - a noun; or being a mother, like a mother bird - an adjective; acting maternally, as in a verb. No matter how you define the word, whether the mother in your life is young or old, has brown hair or silver, is here or deceased, all the 'mothers' in our life deserve every bouquet of love and warm wishes today and everyday. This blog would be remiss in not penning a love letter of thanks to mothers everywhere. The women who brought us into this world, wiped our tears, taught us to cook, and along the way made sure we minded our manners, not to mention the ones who came into our lives midstream, and those with whom we don't share a last name or gene pool, but who have 'mothered' us through life's storms. Of all the gifts the mothers of our world can give, that of social graces should be counted among the most valuable. My own mother's life-lessons, 35 years' worth, like a strand of cultured pearls, remain with me today. 21 years ago I was doubly-blessed to inherit a mother-in-law who continues to be the very embodiment of the art of loveliness, with her thoughtful, handwritten thank-you notes, well-set tables and her linen handkerchiefs. So to all 'mothers', heartfelt appreciation for teaching us the importance of being polite and gracious, for molding us and shaping us, and and reminding us that those little words like 'thank-you' and 'please' do go a long way. Our world is all the richer for having had you in it. Happy Mother's Day!

HERE COMES THE BRIDE

No one in the world will likely exchange wedding vows in front of as many uninvited guests as Catherine Middleton will when she weds Prince William in the morning before a global televised audience estimated to be in the millions. Protocol experts have been busy helping those who received an invitation brush up on their royally best behavior. The rest of us will be able to get by without wearing even so much as a robe or slippers, and we won't have to worry about how to address the Queen at the punch bowl.
But the Royal Wedding serves as a fun reminder to anyone who is invited to witness such an important occasion as the marriage of two people, that everyone has an obligation of some sort. Wedding guests should participate in the celebration and enjoy themselves, but not detract from the stars of the show - the bride and groom. Invited guests who attend a wedding and reception are expected to give the bride and groom a gift. Presents should be delivered to the bride's residence before the big day, although it is acceptable to bring it with you to the reception.
Guests should not be late. It's doubtful the bride will enjoy the photographer's picture of her about to walk down the aisle on her father's arm, with her co-worker in the background trying to slip into the church.
Once seated, guests should acknowledge friends and relatives with a smile and nod. Leave the high-fives for the reception, especially if the wedding takes place in a house of worship. Be mindful of the dress. Your clue is the time of day. A wedding before five or six o'clock in the evening will not require such formal attire. We are in the land of Levis here in the San Joaquin Valley, but even if you're a denim dude, ditch the jeans. Same goes for your 10-gallon cowboy hat and chewing tobacco. Remember, this is the bride's big day. All eyes should be on her, not the guest who looks like her shift at the strip club just ended.
And take note to the names of the invited guests on the envelope the day the invitation arrives. If it says Mr. and Mrs. Smith and family, bring the kids. An event such as a wedding has been in the planning stages for months, with costs calculated down to the number of people expected to attend. It is not a come- one- come-all affair.
When the bride begins her march down the aisle, give her a beaming smile should your eyes meet. Don't whistle or wave to try to catch her attention. You'll have plenty of time to share the love after the ceremony. Remember, an invitation to witness the union of two people is an honor. Respect the privilege. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'.

CELEBRATED ADVICE

The shelves in the bookstore aisles devoted to social graces and self-improvement are filled with great reads with useful advice. Make room for the newest, by newswoman Katie Couric, who smartly is now on a book tour she hopes will deflect some of the speculation surrounding her broadcasting future. "The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons From Extraordinary Lives", strings together pearls of wisdom from some of Couric's most celebrated interviews from the past spanning the worlds of pop culture and politics. Among those called on to share their advice is actress Nia Vardalos, who Couric writes, has made a conscious decision to react to society's rudeness by being even nicer. "Never fall to the level of the behavior of the people around you," Couric recounted to Matt Lauer on the Today Show, adding how that little bit of advice struck her. Couric went on to say that on the subject of manners, it really does matter, always encouraging young people looking for a job to write thank-you notes, make good eye contact, give a firmer handshake, and never forget that there are no second chances to make a first impression. I too took a moment to digest Vardalos' attitude. It is, afterall, so much easier to hit incivility with incivility. It is much harder to grin and bear it, rise above and take the higher road - over and over and over. But eventually, that lemonade-out-of-lemons approach will become habit, and hopefully contagious. Give it a try. I plan to do the same. Thanks Nia for the lesson, and to Katie for shining the spotlight on social graces. It DOES 'Manner' A Lot!

GRACE UNDER PRESSURE

Tragedies bring out the best and worst in people, as history has shown. Some events are so horrific, they leave us with a loss of words and a sense of complete helplessness. In the wake of the devastating Japan earthquake, the stories don't seem to be getting any better. It's all still too fresh, raw and surreal. But this morning's Los Angeles Times featured a piece by Laura King, reporting from Tokyo, on the impeccable manners of the Japanese - the only thing that doesn't appear to have been destroyed by the seismic wrath. You can read the story online at www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/.
Reading it on page A6 of the Times is gut-wrenching, with the accompanying photo above the fold across two pages that no words can help comprehend. May this remind us all to give generously to aid organizations providing relief to those affected by this catastrophe, and to take stock of our own preparedness while taking note of the grace of the Japanese. It DOES Manner A lot!