A FATHER-LESS DAY

    I lost my father a couple months ago. I never could have imagined back in March, when a stumble sent him to the hospital, and then into rehabilitation, that our first Father's Day apart would be weeks away.
     Today, on a pre-Father's Day hike with the father of my children, to the rim of the world, Parker Lake and the southern skirt of Yosemite and the Sierra, at an elevation my muscles may never recover from, the majestic splendor of the geography, and the fact that I trailed my husband and two of our three children, gave me great pause to reflect, and appreciate.
    I will miss tomorrow's telephone call to my father, but will treasure forever the voicemails I saved, and the many saved in my memory bank.
   I will appreciate my father's gift of patience, the next time one of his grandchildren test us.  I hope they bumped dear Dad up to first class when he soared to heaven. Afterall, he had the patience of Job, as the father of three girls.
    I will think of Dad as the weather takes an unusual turn for mid-June. A Kansan, born in a farmhouse that was often rattled by tornados, we enjoyed dissecting the weather forecasts.
    I will remember his resolve to protect and provide for his family, at any cost. If only more fathers placed such a high premium on that value. 
    I will light sparklers on the Fourth of July, and write his name in the air with them.
    And I will enjoy a slice of watermelon, in his honor, with a sprinkle of salt, remembering how he loved to make homemade ice cream the old fashioned way, with a hand-crank.
    My father was our family's plaster, brick and mortar.  We are all the richer for that. And he was triple-blessed with three like-minded, amazing sons-in-law, who carry on his legacy on Father's Day and always, because 'ItMannersAlot'!
   
   

TO THE CLASS OF 2013

“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!”

– Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

       In the coming weeks, thousands of graduates will don caps and gowns, receive a hard-earned diploma, and set sail on their idyllic journey to great places. They will no doubt thank all those who helped them in reaching this milestone: Google, Wikipedia, Starbucks and Mr. ATM to name a few.

    And they will be lathered in accolades, pats on the back and high-fives. The path to graduation will be like playing Candy land – frothy, and laden with fluffy, artificially sweetened pieces of advice. Enjoy every last bite of the sugar-coated pearls of wisdom.

And after the last sip of your iced mocha, marinate on this:

    No one owes you a thing. Oh sure, your parents may be picking up the tuition tab for now (which may be closed before your first Incomplete), but you are not ENTITLED to anything. Carve your path in life by wanting what you already have, not having everything you want. Living each day from a place of immense gratitude and thankfulness will lower your blood pressure, extend your life, improve your health and wellness, and attract others to you like a magnet.

    Appreciate where you are right now. You may never get that dream job, but find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Remember, in this job market tighter than Spanx, don’t give up or consider certain employment beneath you. Manage what little money you have and make it last. Don’t contribute to the national debt, but pay your debt to your community. Invest in making your corner of the world better, safer and nicer.

   Make the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ part of your daily vocabulary. Like magic, you will be amazed at the doors they will help open for you. In a world increasingly void of civility and thoughtfulness, being polite and courteous to others will always give you an advantage.

  Discover what moves you, inspires you and brings out the best in you, and then chase this passion to the ends of the earth. What you are passionate about will define you, not the leased luxury car you think you must drive or the crib in the fancy zip code where you think you should reside.

   Living an honest life of purpose will take leaps of faith and involve risk-taking. If you play life safe, you will never truly know what you are capable of doing, or feeling. Your true success will not be measured just by all your wins and getting what you want, but by your losses and disappointments as well. Failing IS succeeding, if you find the lesson to be learned in the experience and don’t let it be a lesson lost.

   Life is not easy. In fact, it will be downright hard when you least expect it. But it will always beat the six-feet-under alternative. Rest your faith in a higher power.

   Don’t marry the first person who sweeps you off your feet. Romance and butterflies in your stomach have a shelf life shorter than a Taylor Swift song; Build your future on a bedrock of commitment, respect and shared values with someone you see yourself sitting side by side with in wheelchairs in a nursing home someday.

   Give back, each and every day, in big or small ways. Whether it is holding the door for an elderly person, letting the shopper with just one item leap ahead of you, or volunteering for a non-profit, giving of yourself, your time and talents isn’t for others to do. It is part of your unspoken contract with growing up and becoming a mature adult.

   Reading may no longer be mandatory, but never stop. Read everything you can get your hands on. The more you read, the more you know, the better you are able to converse, and the more interesting you become to others.

   Enjoy the obstacle course that your life will become. That’s right, the student loans, the unreasonable professor, the selfish roommate. You’re not going to be able to rewind your journey like a television episode on demand. ALL of it will become the fabric of your life!

   And finally, laugh often. In almost every circumstance veiled by uncertainty or angst, there will be slivers of something worth laughing at. Laugh at yourself and don’t take yourself too seriously. Not only is it the best medicine, but it is much cheaper than prescriptions.

    As beloved Dr. Seuss, Theodor Seuss Geisel writes in Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, life really is a ‘Great Balancing Act’. Wherever you go and whatever you do up there on the high wire of life, be authentically you, and not someone you think others should see. Take ownership of your actions and all of their consequences. In doing so, you will strike the perfect balance, and what really ‘Manners A lot’!

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY...SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

    I don't have a horse in tomorrow's special election race to fill the 16^th California Senate seat vacated early by Michael Rubio. But from my perch in the grandstands of the 3^rd District, I find the spectacle that is Leticia Perez's campaign really bad form. I kept thinking, i'm missing pieces to this puzzle. There must be something more to her decision, besides 'seizing opportunity', that would make it okay in her mind to court, seemingly so sincerely, the voters of Kern County's 5th District last year, rake in thousands of dollars in contributions, and then just a few months into the gig have a sudden change of heart when a better looking 'suitor' came calling. 

     But if there is a greater, authentic justification, I haven't found it. And i've looked. I've really tried.

    Last year, in announcing her run for supervisor, candidate Perez said the voters of the 5^th District should not pick a supervisor who used “political loopholes”, a reference to her opponent, Karen Goh, who was appointed to the seat by former Governor Schwarzenegger.

   Perez argued that voters should judge the candidates “by how deep the roots of a candidate reach into the earth of the district.”

   Political loopholes look a lot like rungs on the ladders eager politicians like Ms. Perez can't keep from climbing. And as for those roots in the 'earth of the district', sorry 5^th District residents, apparently they just didn't run deep enough.

   Whatever happened to saying what you MEAN, and meaning what you SAY?  12 months ago your performance of someone anxious to go to bat for the little people of the 5th District earned you the job.  If you meant it then, shouldn't you have felt the same way for the duration of the term?

    Maybe what you mean to say now is that if you are elected to serve in the 16th Senate District, 16th Senate District residents may find themselves in the same boat as your current constituents, should a congressional seat, a Presidential appointment, or a job at Chevron roll across the conveyor belt of her political ambitions. They have no real assurances, other than Perez's word (and I'm not sure how much of that you can take to the bank) that she's any more comitted to you than she said she would be to the voters of the 5^th District of Kern County. Her win may become your loss if a more attractive 'opportunity' comes calling.

Should Perez be defeated, the residents of Kern's 5^th District, the ones in the rear-view mirror of her short-sighted political ambition, will be stuck with someone who apparently doesn't want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with them for the duration of the term. Her loss will be yours as well.
    In an age when distrust of politicians and the political process is at an all time high, wouldn't it be refreshing if emerging public servants with great promise and the potential for years of service SAID what they meant, and MEANT what they said?  Afterall, it 'Manners A lot'! 

A MOTHER'S RECIPE OF LOVE

    Among my mother Socorro Munoz Kimble's many talents, was her creativity in the kitchen.  So much so, that in 1987 she co-authored the book "Mexican Desserts...the Sweet Side of Mexican Cooking". Born in Auguascalientes, Mexico, she emigrated to this country as a child with her sweet tooth intact.
   She could easily have written about the wonderful world of tortillas or having fun with tequilla.  But given her lifelong affinity for sweets, it was only fitting that she chose to shine a spotlight on the oft-overlooked end of the Mexican meal.
      Those ingredients in her recipes, rich staples of her Mexican culture, made for some mouthwatering desserts, and in honor of Mother's Day, give me some food for thought for baking a recipe of life and love:
     1.  Sugar.  The sweetness of life may come disguised as brown sugar or honey, or even powdered, but regardless of its form, it should be enjoyed and appreciated. It can be found in the littlest of things, the smallest of acts, the shortest of sentiments, like "I Love You", but its purity should never be taken for granted. And it will always off-set the sour moments that will be inevitable.
     2.  Spice.  Always add a dash or two of spice to one's life. Yours, your friends and family. Just as cinnamon, nutmeg and chili powder evoke uniquely different responses, spice up your interactions with the people in your life, the places you visit, and the experiences that you heap onto life's plate. 
      3.  Lemon Rind. Without a little sour taste or bitterness, life would be simply bland.  It is a necessary ingredient for building strong spirits and characters of beauty.
     4.  Coffee. Life should be lived caffinated. Don't let the decaffinated version pass you by. Breathe deeply, love passionately, laugh heartily and soak up life like a sponge whatever rolls your way.
     5.  Warm Water. Without this binding agent, many recipes would fall flat. We will all encounter frigidly cold shoulders, and cold-hearted souls, but the warmth of a smile, an embrace or gesture will bind us to one another in ways we are intended to be.

     Stir all these ingredients together, bake them in the oven of your heart forever, and savor the marinade of a mother's recipe of love.  Afterall, ItMannersAlot!  Happy Mother's Day!

   

LOHAN GUILTY...of INCONSIDERATION

     I am not eligible to serve as a juror in actress Lindsay Lohan's alleged lying-to-cops trial in Los Angeles. But like millions, I am already empaneled instead in the court of public opinion, and I have already rendered my verdict:  GUILTY!
     Not on the charges of fibbing to law enforcement, an alleged offense that should have merited her ten years in time out in a far corner of the globe, and a good old fashioned spanking by a responsible member of her family tree, if there are any.
     But GUILTY for making a career out of disrespect, knowing  full well the world is watching. 
     Disrespecting her family.  Where I come from, the words 'black sheep' would have already been slapped on like a good housekeeping seal of disapproval.
     Disrespecting her good fortune. A young talent with more promise than TMZ freelance photographers, who has squandered away career opportunities thousands only wish for.
     Disrespecting her industry.  Maybe Lindsay really is a cat, and has nine lives. I doubt it. Not even a future role as an Elizabeth Taylor-like Catwoman can resurrect a career that has been afforded countless third, fourth and fifth 'second' chances.
     Disrespecting herself and her God-given talent. If it is a future part as a narcissist, addicted to poor influences and  terrible lifestyle choices that habitually squash her God-given abilities and self-esteem that Lohan is after in her public auditions, then she has nailed it!
      Disrespecting authority.  This morning her inconsideration hit another low, like Florida sinkhole LOW.  After getting off a commercial flight bound for Southern California yesterday, she boarded a private jet, only to arrive to court 48 minutes late. That kind of 'I am special and above the law' attitude, snubbing authorities is repugnant, bad manners and incredibly inconsiderate.
     Add to that her decision to arrive in what will surely look great sometime after midnight in the VIP section of the Mondrian Hotel's SkyBar - a yard of sheer fabric left over from someone's Holy Communion dress - and Lohan's crimes against social graces far outweigh what she must answer to today in an LA courtroom.
     This slow-motion trainwreck of poor behavior is as tiring as the thought of yet another season of the Real Housewives of Orange County.  Where is Andy Cohen when we need him?  Sentence poor Linds to a season with the women of Bravo, place her under house arrest with Lisa Vanderpump, and for the sake of us all, keep her away from Sur, Villa Blanca or Pacific Coast Highway.
  

HEAVEN HELP US

          The dictionary defines the adjective REVERENCE as deeply respectful.  Where it went is anyone's guess!  My time today at noon mass was chalked full of reminders of how even the slightest acts of disrespect stick out like sore thumbs.
     When entering a temple or place of worship, EVERYTHING else should  be checked at the doors. Everything!
     Including idle chit-chat while you are awaiting the commencement of the worship service. Others around you may be trying to pray or meditate quietly.
    Including gum-chewing. Really? In some places of worship, you are going to chomp on your gum until Communion, and then, what?  Disrespectful, and equally distracting as the nervous chatterboxes.
   Including answering your cell phone. I leave mine in the car. Unless you are a physician on call, all mobile devices should be silenced.  
   Including boisterous conversation outside between parishioners who attended the previous service, but still very audible inside. 
   Including arriving noticeably late. Like, the service is half-way over late.  Disrespectful and a major distraction. The reverence that is called for in a place of worship means showing respect and honoring one another's intimate time between them and their maker.
    Most denominations don't require members to worship but once a week.  Heaven help us if we can't manage to silence our mobile devices, our mouths, or reign in our actions during that short time. Afterall, ItMannersAlot!
  

2012's BEST & WORST

     2012! What a year! From a White House snub and, predictably, some celebs losing a bit of their star wattage and luster, to the prevalence of sleepwear in public and a rise in littering, this year social graces were perched perilously close to their own cliff, gone Gangnam style out of control. 
     But thankfully, kindness also abounded, even in the most atrotious of places.
     There is no appropriate category for what happened in the innocent confines of a Colorado movie theater on a warm summer night, or inside an elementary school in an idyllic Connecticut community eleven days before Christmas. Unquestionably, it was evil at its worst.
     But out of such horror, emerged stories of heroism - a boyfriend who took a bullet for his girlfriend, and a principal and teachers who lost their lives by lunging at a gunman and shielding their students.
    There was a lot of good embedded in those horrific moments in Connecticut and Colorado, and elsewhere, a reminder that even in the most abominable of times, benevolence and mercy can triumph. 
    Likewise, Superstorm Hurricane Sandy was Mother Nature at her worst this year - paralyzing parts of the northeast and wreaking havoc on many lives. But she didn't dampen the spirit of courage and determination, even in the face of rising tides and disaster.  Those affected banded together to help neighbors, and volunteer support poured in from around the world, further evidence that the human spirit of helping one another is still alive and well.  We saw it in the first responders, the selfless victims and volunteers from such organizations as the Red Cross who acted quickly to stave off further damage.

 Looking back over the many ITMANNERSALOT blogs and columns posted and published this year online, at BakersfieldMom.com and in BakersfieldLife Magazine, some antics and other acts of thoughtfulness stood out. Herewith, is the best of the worst, and the creme of the crop, along with the hope that 2013 will usher in more good manners.  After all, it 'MANNERS A LOT'!

THE BEST OF 2012:

1.  Ann Curry:   The class and grace the morning show co-host displayed during weeks of speculation of her demotion was worthy of an Academy Award. She too had read the blogs, the headlines, the anonymous quotes her employers had given to the press.  She continued to show up for work, held her head high, turned a cheek, and bowed out with elegance.

2. Former Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords:  One year after a gunman interrupted her life and those of 19, representative Giffords returned to Washington to submit her resignation from Congress. She did so with true grit and a determination characterized by faith and courage.

3. Wendy Wayne - Community activist Wendy Wayne lost her battle with cancer in June.  She'd battled it before, and conquered it.  This time, she knew she was outmatched, and decided hers had been a life well-lived, and surrendered gracefully, making her final days and hours special for those dearest to her.  A grief-stricken community held tributes, and established everlasting memorials in the name of the woman who was as much a treasure to Bakersfield and Kern County as she treasured her community.Wendy's journey taught us about the power in the pillars of strength and resolve.

THE WORST OF 2012:

1. The Device:  IPad, Ipod, Iphone, Smartphone - whatever the alias, the mobile device could not outsmart bad manners.  If only there was an app for that!  The virtual distraction still took the place of too many face-to-face conversations. Upgrades only downgraded our real-time interaction with one another to the point that 2012 may be worst remembered for the year we stopped talking to each other. The Gadget also served as a cautionary tale, that what happens in Vegas DOESN'T stay in Vegas,  even if you are an heir to the British throne caught with your pants down in a royal flush of embarrassment exposing the crown jewels.

2. The Dismissiveness and Dismissed:  Vice President Joe Biden's debate with Congressman Paul Ryan made for some great political theater, but it also exposed Biden's raw hot buttons and inability to contain himself within the confines of a setting where decorum should have been the abiding rule.  His ticket may have been re-elected, but his lack of disrespect for his debate partner before a global television audience was not deserving of four more years. Here's hoping he can channel his inner pit bull as he wades into the national debate on gun violence. 
    In this economy, still crawling its way back from its own fiscal cliff, job layoffs are still common.  They are unpleasant for everyone involved.  But perhaps no demotion played itself out on the national stage more painfully than NBC's mishandling of the Today Show's Ann Curry and her reassignment.  The backlash continues against the network, its venerable morning show, and its star Matt Lauer, widely considered to have placed the knife into his co-host's back. See #3 above.

3.  Pajama Partiers: There was a time when sleepwear never saw the light of day outside the confines of one's residence. Probably the same era before cellular phones and the internet.  Today, it seems to be the rule, not the exception - wearing pajamas in public. Never a good look, and always in poor taste.  I can't help but wonder what will be next?

4.  The Litterbug:  Back for the second year in a row, the Litterbug was more like an infestation, especially in Kern County.  Parking lots, auditorium seats and roadways were used as trash cans with increased frequency.  Littering is a violation of local ordinances, and the ultimate sign of disrespect to our beautiful community. I heard too many complaints from out-of-towners who were aghast at the debris that littered the on and off ramps to our highways. Let's exterminate the Litterbug infestation in 2013!

5. The Famous Behaving Infamously:  Besides the usual suspects like Lindsay Lohan, there were others who once again gave celebrity a black eye. Olivier Martinez gave Halle Berry's ex, Gabriel Aubry a shiner on Thanksgiving day, Angust Jones threw his own meal ticket - the hit TV show "Two and a Half Men" under the bus, actress Kristen Stewart felt compelled to purge herself of the secret the "Twilight" star had been harboring, her affair with her "Snow White and Huntsman" director, and Stanley Cup goalie Tim Thomas' inexplicably decided to turn down an invitation from the White House. Memo to all of the above:  Your adoring fans are watching. Think FIRST before speaking, slugging or snubbing!