HUMANKINDNESS: The Gift That Will Keep On Giving!

There is a giant billboard facing eastbound motorists on Rosedale Highway that has Bakersfield drivers doing a double take.

No, not the one with the bicycle begging to be recycled.

"Kindness Has Zero Carbs."

This one had me at the word 'Kindness'.

Those four simple words strung together on the Dignity Health sign west of Costco are catching people's attention in a big way, which is exactly what the San Francisco-based health organization is aiming for. Towering advertisements enticing us to move to a new residential development or attend an upcoming concert, we are used to. But kindness? 

It may take some motorists miles before the message sinks in. But I for one think it is brilliant and wish i'd thought of it. Save me a seat on this bandwagon.

More than just a catchy media blitz, Dignity is taking the ambitious $11 million dollar advertising campaign seriously by putting, what they say, is humanity back into health care. Whether it ever left, or if so, where it went, is subject to interpretation. But in the midst of a national discourse on the dollars and cents and tech missteps of Obamacare, the novel campaign highlighting acts of kindness, however grand or slight, through stories shared on its website – hellohumankindness.org, hopes to start a conversation prompting people to behave better and connect with one another in a more compassionate way.

And the effort doesn't come a moment too soon. According to a survey on Civility in America, 86% of responders say they have been on the receiving end of some sort of incivility. Is the decline of good manners the new norm? Dignity says no way and I can't stop applauding. Bravo!

Besides, countless studies have already told us that being nicer, kinder and more gentle with each other can be a potent dose of medicine in lowering blood pressure, warding off illnesses and aiding in the healing process.

The stories shared on the movement's website are inspiring: A rescuer who braved choppy waters and risked his own life to save another, a good Samaritan who helped a stranded stranger in need, and a surprise for a family shopping at Target whose entire cart full of items was paid for by someone else.

There have been calls to acts of caring before, most notably Bakersfield's Dr. Chuck Wall and his Random Acts of Kindness campaign launched 20 years ago. Dignity hopes humankindness will become a household word.

But why not just plaster billboards with boasts of shorter ER wait times, fancier delivery rooms and cutting-edge medical equipment? “Some have questioned what this campaign has to do with health care,” says Dignity's local Director of Strategic Marketing, Robin Mangarin Scott. “We are proud to say 'it is different'. If we can use a human connection to inspire a stronger and healthier world, then what is the harm in that?”

Already, officials with Memorial and Mercy Hospitals say they have seen the call to treat one another nicely within their hallways and among their employees. “Something special is happening. The people who work here are listening and holding themselves accountable to the brand,” Mangarin Scott says. “We all know that sharing humankindness is great on paper, but when it is shared through actions, it can hold the power to heal and help others in ways that extend beyond health care.”

While modern medicine will always hold the ability to cure, let us all become more attune to the human conditions and opportunities that present themselves every day to extend compassion and reconnect with humanity, not just during the holiday season, but throughout the year. Perhaps Desmond Tutu said it best: “Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” Humankindness will truly be the gift that keeps on giving.

       

Best wishes for a Christmas rich in time spent with loved ones, and a year ahead filled with health, happiness and all that 'MANNERS A LOT'! 

WEDDED THANKS!

    It has been some time since the last post on this blog. Life, including milestones like weddings, has a habit of getting in the way. In the past year, we were honored to witness the unions of some special young people, including one at a venue two states away, and another not far from home. Our connection to two of these events was by way of the parents of the two grooms. Not intimate friends, but friendly enough to score invites. This was a bonanza year for us as wedding guests and gift givers. 
    It had been awhile since I shopped wedding registries.What an eye opener that was. 24 years ago when I walked down the aisle, it would have been considered gauche to 'ask' for such gifts as money and furniture. But that train has left the station, and like it or not, I hopped on board.
    But one thing I will never be unwedded to: Thank You notes! If someone takes the time and makes the expense of purchasing a gift, acknowledge the thoughtful gesture. Not by e-mail. Not by text. Not just verbally. And not in a printed letter, but in a handwritten note. Considered old fashioned by today's social media standards? Probably. But it's high time some of these time-honored customs were hammered back into the social mindset of brides and grooms tying the knot these days.
    The honeymoon probably wasn't even over for the out of state couple before their thank you letter, obviously printed on their computer, arrived. Sigh. We weren't the only guests who had traveled a great distance at considerable expense to witness their nuptials. At least they thanked us, which I appreciate, but how much more thoughtful it would have been had the notes been handwritten. It reminded me of the days when our children were little, and could barely write their name on the fill-in-the-blank thank you notes I insisted they complete. But they were four years old! Not approaching their forties!
    The other couple, whom we run into with some regularity around town, must still be on their extended honeymoon. Perhaps the acknowledgement of our gift to them will arrive in the new year, near their first wedding anniversary!
    Thank you notes STILL 'Manner A lot' in my book - the old fashioned kind, handwritten from start to finish.
   
   

OH BABY!

    Now that the Duchess of Cambridge has been 'delivered of a son', as they say across the pond, has posed with the newly minted Lord of the Manor and his  father Wills for the obligatory photo-op, and headed for home, whichever castle that may be, it is time to open the wrought iron gates to the flood of well-intended advice, all of it unsolicited, that will roll through the palace doors in the coming days.
    Kate hasn't asked, but I'm offering, my tried and true, well-worn golden nuggets of parenting advice to help her get her high-heeled footing back in these early days as a family of three.
    1. First, and most important of all - sleep. I know, every mother was gifted this priceless piece of advice, and everyone I know, including myself, disregarded it. Who sleeps when the little prince is  snoozing and there is laundry to do and bills to catch up on.
     22 years later, I wish I had slept for days after the birth of our Alexander.  I didn't know then that laundry mutates, and will ALWAYS be there. Ironically, the sleep deprivation was the first thing I forgot when I had our two princesses.  The Duchess may not opt for a nanny, but for the love of God and country Kate, use the night nurses, your mother, Camilla, the Queen, and any other Lord or Lady in waiting willing to hold his royal highness while you catch up on your beauty sleep, even if someone else pays the bills and folds the laundry.
    2.  Ditch the bulky diaper bag. Don't even think of picking one up. I had dozens, in the cutest of colors and designs. Even the pockets had pockets.  Young mothers today are risking shoulder injury as they lug those things around. How many baggies of cheerios, fishies, bottles of formula, diapers, extra changes of clothing, teething rings and toys will Prince Cambridge need? Isn't that what the Court Jesters are for?
   3.  Save the family photographs for the royal archives, not Instagram or Twitter. As your young royal will soon find out, social media will be useful and fun, but even an adoring nation of subjects will tire of every little burp and bump with hashtags. It's too soon now, but at some point, when he's approaching his pre-teens, sit him down for a chat about his uncle Harry's infamous romp with a camera in Las Vegas.
   4.  His Royal Highness won't break. I promise. Oh sure, there may be a torn ligament or fractured limb down the road after a fierce polo match, but relax as his adoring grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins fawn over him like a piece of English bone china from great-great-Queen Victoria's hutch. And remember, this dovetails nicely back into rule number #1, which may make it possible from time to time to sneak off for a quick Corgie nap (no cats at Buckingham).
    5.   Mind his manners, but massage his tender heart more. The English have cornered the market on the important skill set of social graces. His royal highness will be in good hands. But generations of royals appear to have lacked the affection all children crave, something Grandfather Charles found difficult to display at all, but William's late mother, Diana, worked tirelessly to overcome. If a picture is worth a thousand words, judging from today's 'unveiling' to the world, I would say the young chap is off to a very jolly good start, cradled in the arms of loving parents who seem determined to model a new modernity of royal family.  And that 'Manners A lot'!

    

A FATHER-LESS DAY

    I lost my father a couple months ago. I never could have imagined back in March, when a stumble sent him to the hospital, and then into rehabilitation, that our first Father's Day apart would be weeks away.
     Today, on a pre-Father's Day hike with the father of my children, to the rim of the world, Parker Lake and the southern skirt of Yosemite and the Sierra, at an elevation my muscles may never recover from, the majestic splendor of the geography, and the fact that I trailed my husband and two of our three children, gave me great pause to reflect, and appreciate.
    I will miss tomorrow's telephone call to my father, but will treasure forever the voicemails I saved, and the many saved in my memory bank.
   I will appreciate my father's gift of patience, the next time one of his grandchildren test us.  I hope they bumped dear Dad up to first class when he soared to heaven. Afterall, he had the patience of Job, as the father of three girls.
    I will think of Dad as the weather takes an unusual turn for mid-June. A Kansan, born in a farmhouse that was often rattled by tornados, we enjoyed dissecting the weather forecasts.
    I will remember his resolve to protect and provide for his family, at any cost. If only more fathers placed such a high premium on that value. 
    I will light sparklers on the Fourth of July, and write his name in the air with them.
    And I will enjoy a slice of watermelon, in his honor, with a sprinkle of salt, remembering how he loved to make homemade ice cream the old fashioned way, with a hand-crank.
    My father was our family's plaster, brick and mortar.  We are all the richer for that. And he was triple-blessed with three like-minded, amazing sons-in-law, who carry on his legacy on Father's Day and always, because 'ItMannersAlot'!
   
   

TO THE CLASS OF 2013

“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!”

– Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

       In the coming weeks, thousands of graduates will don caps and gowns, receive a hard-earned diploma, and set sail on their idyllic journey to great places. They will no doubt thank all those who helped them in reaching this milestone: Google, Wikipedia, Starbucks and Mr. ATM to name a few.

    And they will be lathered in accolades, pats on the back and high-fives. The path to graduation will be like playing Candy land – frothy, and laden with fluffy, artificially sweetened pieces of advice. Enjoy every last bite of the sugar-coated pearls of wisdom.

And after the last sip of your iced mocha, marinate on this:

    No one owes you a thing. Oh sure, your parents may be picking up the tuition tab for now (which may be closed before your first Incomplete), but you are not ENTITLED to anything. Carve your path in life by wanting what you already have, not having everything you want. Living each day from a place of immense gratitude and thankfulness will lower your blood pressure, extend your life, improve your health and wellness, and attract others to you like a magnet.

    Appreciate where you are right now. You may never get that dream job, but find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Remember, in this job market tighter than Spanx, don’t give up or consider certain employment beneath you. Manage what little money you have and make it last. Don’t contribute to the national debt, but pay your debt to your community. Invest in making your corner of the world better, safer and nicer.

   Make the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ part of your daily vocabulary. Like magic, you will be amazed at the doors they will help open for you. In a world increasingly void of civility and thoughtfulness, being polite and courteous to others will always give you an advantage.

  Discover what moves you, inspires you and brings out the best in you, and then chase this passion to the ends of the earth. What you are passionate about will define you, not the leased luxury car you think you must drive or the crib in the fancy zip code where you think you should reside.

   Living an honest life of purpose will take leaps of faith and involve risk-taking. If you play life safe, you will never truly know what you are capable of doing, or feeling. Your true success will not be measured just by all your wins and getting what you want, but by your losses and disappointments as well. Failing IS succeeding, if you find the lesson to be learned in the experience and don’t let it be a lesson lost.

   Life is not easy. In fact, it will be downright hard when you least expect it. But it will always beat the six-feet-under alternative. Rest your faith in a higher power.

   Don’t marry the first person who sweeps you off your feet. Romance and butterflies in your stomach have a shelf life shorter than a Taylor Swift song; Build your future on a bedrock of commitment, respect and shared values with someone you see yourself sitting side by side with in wheelchairs in a nursing home someday.

   Give back, each and every day, in big or small ways. Whether it is holding the door for an elderly person, letting the shopper with just one item leap ahead of you, or volunteering for a non-profit, giving of yourself, your time and talents isn’t for others to do. It is part of your unspoken contract with growing up and becoming a mature adult.

   Reading may no longer be mandatory, but never stop. Read everything you can get your hands on. The more you read, the more you know, the better you are able to converse, and the more interesting you become to others.

   Enjoy the obstacle course that your life will become. That’s right, the student loans, the unreasonable professor, the selfish roommate. You’re not going to be able to rewind your journey like a television episode on demand. ALL of it will become the fabric of your life!

   And finally, laugh often. In almost every circumstance veiled by uncertainty or angst, there will be slivers of something worth laughing at. Laugh at yourself and don’t take yourself too seriously. Not only is it the best medicine, but it is much cheaper than prescriptions.

    As beloved Dr. Seuss, Theodor Seuss Geisel writes in Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, life really is a ‘Great Balancing Act’. Wherever you go and whatever you do up there on the high wire of life, be authentically you, and not someone you think others should see. Take ownership of your actions and all of their consequences. In doing so, you will strike the perfect balance, and what really ‘Manners A lot’!

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY...SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

    I don't have a horse in tomorrow's special election race to fill the 16^th California Senate seat vacated early by Michael Rubio. But from my perch in the grandstands of the 3^rd District, I find the spectacle that is Leticia Perez's campaign really bad form. I kept thinking, i'm missing pieces to this puzzle. There must be something more to her decision, besides 'seizing opportunity', that would make it okay in her mind to court, seemingly so sincerely, the voters of Kern County's 5th District last year, rake in thousands of dollars in contributions, and then just a few months into the gig have a sudden change of heart when a better looking 'suitor' came calling. 

     But if there is a greater, authentic justification, I haven't found it. And i've looked. I've really tried.

    Last year, in announcing her run for supervisor, candidate Perez said the voters of the 5^th District should not pick a supervisor who used “political loopholes”, a reference to her opponent, Karen Goh, who was appointed to the seat by former Governor Schwarzenegger.

   Perez argued that voters should judge the candidates “by how deep the roots of a candidate reach into the earth of the district.”

   Political loopholes look a lot like rungs on the ladders eager politicians like Ms. Perez can't keep from climbing. And as for those roots in the 'earth of the district', sorry 5^th District residents, apparently they just didn't run deep enough.

   Whatever happened to saying what you MEAN, and meaning what you SAY?  12 months ago your performance of someone anxious to go to bat for the little people of the 5th District earned you the job.  If you meant it then, shouldn't you have felt the same way for the duration of the term?

    Maybe what you mean to say now is that if you are elected to serve in the 16th Senate District, 16th Senate District residents may find themselves in the same boat as your current constituents, should a congressional seat, a Presidential appointment, or a job at Chevron roll across the conveyor belt of her political ambitions. They have no real assurances, other than Perez's word (and I'm not sure how much of that you can take to the bank) that she's any more comitted to you than she said she would be to the voters of the 5^th District of Kern County. Her win may become your loss if a more attractive 'opportunity' comes calling.

Should Perez be defeated, the residents of Kern's 5^th District, the ones in the rear-view mirror of her short-sighted political ambition, will be stuck with someone who apparently doesn't want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with them for the duration of the term. Her loss will be yours as well.
    In an age when distrust of politicians and the political process is at an all time high, wouldn't it be refreshing if emerging public servants with great promise and the potential for years of service SAID what they meant, and MEANT what they said?  Afterall, it 'Manners A lot'! 

A MOTHER'S RECIPE OF LOVE

    Among my mother Socorro Munoz Kimble's many talents, was her creativity in the kitchen.  So much so, that in 1987 she co-authored the book "Mexican Desserts...the Sweet Side of Mexican Cooking". Born in Auguascalientes, Mexico, she emigrated to this country as a child with her sweet tooth intact.
   She could easily have written about the wonderful world of tortillas or having fun with tequilla.  But given her lifelong affinity for sweets, it was only fitting that she chose to shine a spotlight on the oft-overlooked end of the Mexican meal.
      Those ingredients in her recipes, rich staples of her Mexican culture, made for some mouthwatering desserts, and in honor of Mother's Day, give me some food for thought for baking a recipe of life and love:
     1.  Sugar.  The sweetness of life may come disguised as brown sugar or honey, or even powdered, but regardless of its form, it should be enjoyed and appreciated. It can be found in the littlest of things, the smallest of acts, the shortest of sentiments, like "I Love You", but its purity should never be taken for granted. And it will always off-set the sour moments that will be inevitable.
     2.  Spice.  Always add a dash or two of spice to one's life. Yours, your friends and family. Just as cinnamon, nutmeg and chili powder evoke uniquely different responses, spice up your interactions with the people in your life, the places you visit, and the experiences that you heap onto life's plate. 
      3.  Lemon Rind. Without a little sour taste or bitterness, life would be simply bland.  It is a necessary ingredient for building strong spirits and characters of beauty.
     4.  Coffee. Life should be lived caffinated. Don't let the decaffinated version pass you by. Breathe deeply, love passionately, laugh heartily and soak up life like a sponge whatever rolls your way.
     5.  Warm Water. Without this binding agent, many recipes would fall flat. We will all encounter frigidly cold shoulders, and cold-hearted souls, but the warmth of a smile, an embrace or gesture will bind us to one another in ways we are intended to be.

     Stir all these ingredients together, bake them in the oven of your heart forever, and savor the marinade of a mother's recipe of love.  Afterall, ItMannersAlot!  Happy Mother's Day!