These have been difficult days for many Americans, heartsick and shell-shocked in the wake of the Colorado movie theater ramapage. In the pre-dawn darkness of Friday morning, in another time zone two hours ahead of Colorado and unable to sleep, I stumbled onto some of the first reports out of Aurora. I was transfixed. As minutes turned into hours, I couldn't comprehend the death toll on the bottom of the television screen: 14 at the time, later revised back to 12 where it still stands. A half-dozen people are still clinging to life in critical condition.
My inability to fathom such senselessness and callous disregard for human life was wrapped like a hot dog inside that theater, a presumably safe haven where generations of families flock to escape the weather, the challenges of everyday life, and immerse themselves in the art form of movie making and entertainment.
The innocence of an outing as American as apple pie was shattered with each and every bullet. Our children love going to the show. I thought of the countless times we have gone together, or I have dropped them off for a couple hours of fun and enjoyment.
And I thought about the parents who had done the same Thursday night in Aurora. The mother who is paralyzed in a hospital bed with a bullet lodged in her throat, unaware her six year old daughter is among the fatalities. And Alex Sullivan, eager to ring in his 27th birthday, unaware it would be his final minutes of life inside the death chamber of theater number nine, while his father awaited his return home in a few hours.
This tragic, dark chapter in America's history has resonated with our children in a way unlike others such as the Tucson shooting a year-and-a-half ago. It is as if they have experienced a death in the family, aware now more than ever of their own vulnerability. Like so many,they want to help in some way. Naturally, their 'Pennies From Heaven' service project will be deployed once again.
But helping them make sense of this also means trying to explain the unimagineable, why someone would methodically calculate to end or destroy so many lives? We'll probably never know the answer to that, but in the midst of such devastation, the discussion must include the stories of the many good-deeds that attempted to triumph over evil just after midnight in that Century movie theater: The boyfriend who took a bullet for his girlfriend and her brother, the moviegoer who instructed strangers to 'play dead' in order to walk out alive, the police officers who abandoned standard emergency proceedure by loading people into the back of squad cars to rush them to the hospital, and the person who tried in vain to carry a mortally wounded victim to safety.
There was a lot of good embedded in those horrific minutes early Friday morning. May we as a nation remember that even in the most abominable of times, that benevolence and mercy will always try to rise above the smoke and poisonous gases of the most heinous and wicked acts.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Out-Of-Towners
I've been spending the better of the day (since the crack of east coast dawn) preparing for a visit from a good friend and her son. Our daughters, no doubt overcome already by the fumes of cleaning spray, think i'm in a panic over a royal visit. My gal pal is royally fun, for sure! But the girls have amnesia, unable to recall surrendering their bedroom when our friends last visited. We've been going round and 'round ever since. Naturally, besides providing another great opportunity to nag my daughters about social graces, I knew there was a blog in here...somewhere...between the freshly washed towels and flowers.
Our family LOVES to entertain, no matter the zip code or level of formality! Opening one's home to visitors is a good reason to get our summer slugs up off their beach blankets, but it is also a great way to put so many lovely touches into a 24-hour or 48-hour window.
If you invite someone from out of town to visit, absolutely insist they stay under your roof, unless you live in a studio apartment furnished only with a futon and a bean bag. In our case, our guests will occupy the spoiled teen suite, forcing a temporary relocation of the natives upstairs. [Insert eye rolls and gasps here].
Like a bowl of She Crab Soup, they are warming to the idea, even getting involved in the preparations. Make sure bedding and linens are fresh, and don't forget to provide clean sets of towels as well. I like to have a small vase of flowers on the nightstand.
In our family, 'mi casa es su casa' is our mantra, so with that, I make sure the refrigerator and pantry are fully stocked with fruit, munchies, and beverages. It isn't necessary, but another thoughtful touch is to do some advance activity planning so everyone doesn't sit around staring at each other. Conversely, make sure to give your guests some down time to relax, especially if they have traveled some distance.
Plan your meals before guests arrive, so as not to put them on the spot about dining out. Make sure not to keep them up late either. They will be exhausted, and surely be anxious to get a good night's sleep.
Like dinner parties, entertaining guests overnight is about making them feel welcome and comfortable. If you're uptight, they won't be at ease. Remember, the goal is to create an environment conducive to spending time together, catching up and making memories. Remember, It 'Manners' A lot!
Our family LOVES to entertain, no matter the zip code or level of formality! Opening one's home to visitors is a good reason to get our summer slugs up off their beach blankets, but it is also a great way to put so many lovely touches into a 24-hour or 48-hour window.
If you invite someone from out of town to visit, absolutely insist they stay under your roof, unless you live in a studio apartment furnished only with a futon and a bean bag. In our case, our guests will occupy the spoiled teen suite, forcing a temporary relocation of the natives upstairs. [Insert eye rolls and gasps here].
Like a bowl of She Crab Soup, they are warming to the idea, even getting involved in the preparations. Make sure bedding and linens are fresh, and don't forget to provide clean sets of towels as well. I like to have a small vase of flowers on the nightstand.
In our family, 'mi casa es su casa' is our mantra, so with that, I make sure the refrigerator and pantry are fully stocked with fruit, munchies, and beverages. It isn't necessary, but another thoughtful touch is to do some advance activity planning so everyone doesn't sit around staring at each other. Conversely, make sure to give your guests some down time to relax, especially if they have traveled some distance.
Plan your meals before guests arrive, so as not to put them on the spot about dining out. Make sure not to keep them up late either. They will be exhausted, and surely be anxious to get a good night's sleep.
Like dinner parties, entertaining guests overnight is about making them feel welcome and comfortable. If you're uptight, they won't be at ease. Remember, the goal is to create an environment conducive to spending time together, catching up and making memories. Remember, It 'Manners' A lot!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
WRONG NUMBER
"Uh, is [inaudible] there?" the voice on the other end of the telephone asked. "Who?" I inquired. Insert more garbled audio here. "What number are you calling?" I asked politely.
"Oh S@#t!" screamed the caller before hanging up.
Lucky me, I was the recipient, not once, but twice more after that awkward and impolite attempt to connect with someone else through my number. Had he called again, I was tempted to remind him of the right way to end a wrong call.
We've all done it. A harmless mistake, that can be easily rectified by saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."
Punctuating the mistake with expletives is truly bad form. Simply hanging up is even ruder.
The next time you call someone by mistake, keep it short, polite, and clean. If you are on the other end of the line, same goes. "I'm sorry, I think you must have the wrong number" is all that needs to be said. To be sure, these types of calls can be annoying, but they needn't be occasions for rudeness and impoliteness. Remember, IT 'MANNERS' A LOT!
"Oh S@#t!" screamed the caller before hanging up.
Lucky me, I was the recipient, not once, but twice more after that awkward and impolite attempt to connect with someone else through my number. Had he called again, I was tempted to remind him of the right way to end a wrong call.
We've all done it. A harmless mistake, that can be easily rectified by saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."
Punctuating the mistake with expletives is truly bad form. Simply hanging up is even ruder.
The next time you call someone by mistake, keep it short, polite, and clean. If you are on the other end of the line, same goes. "I'm sorry, I think you must have the wrong number" is all that needs to be said. To be sure, these types of calls can be annoying, but they needn't be occasions for rudeness and impoliteness. Remember, IT 'MANNERS' A LOT!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
SET OFF FIREWORKS OF CIVILITY
There is no better slice of Americana than Independence Day, when, from sea to shining sea, friends, family, acquaintances and even perfect strangers will gather to celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. We will do it on land, aboard vessels, alongside barbecues, with burgers, beer and bravado. And at sundown, with bombs bursting mid air.
Growing up, standing on our front lawn, gingerly writing our names in the air with sparklers, my sisters and I thought that was the bomb! Then our father would set off some 'safe and sane' numbers out in the street. There were no bottle rockets, molotov cocktails or tree fires. Just good old-fashioned patriotic fun.
Somewhere, i'm sure, there was mischief, as there will likely be again tomorrow. But on this Fourth of July eve, herewith are some important things to remember:
Be obedient. Respect authority and the traffic cops policing crowds. If you aren't in familiar surroundings, make yourself familiar with the restrictions regarding firworks, alcohol consumption, etc. When someone else gets ticketed, you'll be glad you did.
Be respectful of the property of others - whether it be public or private. July Fourth IS NOT a license to disregard the rights of others and torch consideration in a blaze of glory.
Clean up after yourself. Make sure you have a bucket of water on hand for the used fireworks, along with trash bags to haul your leftovers. Don't assume someone else will come and clean your mess!
If you plan to put on your own show, keep it LEGAL. Don't endanger yourself and others by lighting up gunpowder in order to show your patriotic pride.
Remember, too, to respect the noise ordinance. If you are still firing off smoke bombs at midnight, your neighbors will want to declare their independence from you!
The Fourth of July, wrapped in stars, stripes, patriotism and good times, should also be a display of the very best in us, courteous and civilized, respectful behavior. Because It 'Manners' A lot!
Happy Birthday America!
Growing up, standing on our front lawn, gingerly writing our names in the air with sparklers, my sisters and I thought that was the bomb! Then our father would set off some 'safe and sane' numbers out in the street. There were no bottle rockets, molotov cocktails or tree fires. Just good old-fashioned patriotic fun.
Somewhere, i'm sure, there was mischief, as there will likely be again tomorrow. But on this Fourth of July eve, herewith are some important things to remember:
Be obedient. Respect authority and the traffic cops policing crowds. If you aren't in familiar surroundings, make yourself familiar with the restrictions regarding firworks, alcohol consumption, etc. When someone else gets ticketed, you'll be glad you did.
Be respectful of the property of others - whether it be public or private. July Fourth IS NOT a license to disregard the rights of others and torch consideration in a blaze of glory.
Clean up after yourself. Make sure you have a bucket of water on hand for the used fireworks, along with trash bags to haul your leftovers. Don't assume someone else will come and clean your mess!
If you plan to put on your own show, keep it LEGAL. Don't endanger yourself and others by lighting up gunpowder in order to show your patriotic pride.
Remember, too, to respect the noise ordinance. If you are still firing off smoke bombs at midnight, your neighbors will want to declare their independence from you!
The Fourth of July, wrapped in stars, stripes, patriotism and good times, should also be a display of the very best in us, courteous and civilized, respectful behavior. Because It 'Manners' A lot!
Happy Birthday America!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
ANN CURRY & NBC'S BAD
Former "Today Show" co-host Ann Curry may not have been able to hold on to her morning show crown for long, or claim ratings victory in the cut-throat battle that is morning television. But one thing is crystal clear after her excruciatingly painful sign-off today: She emerged the only winner in this behind-the-scenes tug-o-war created by NBC, though it's doubtful she feels that way now.
Whuh? Winner? That's right! This episode in the network's programming of missteps (remember that guy Conan?) will haunt her the rest of her life, yes. But her heartfelt and tearful goodbye to her television audience this morning, and the way she has conducted herself in recent weeks as the speculation and gossip fueled by anonymous 'insiders' grew in size from a tropical depression to a category four hurricane, was nothing short of graceful and dignified.
She deserves the Emmy the show received. Throw in an Academy Award for best performance while you're at it for having to sit next to co-host Matt Lauer, who reportedly helped seal her fate. Handling herself with the-show-must-go-on composure and still reporting for work is admirable.
Firing someone, or demoting them, is never easy. But shame on the network for breaking the cardinal rule of putting it out there for the courts of public opinion, a few leaks at a time. The anonymous executives who were critical of Curry's style in the NY Times may have hoped they were providing justification for making changes (which they certainly are entitled to do), but allowing information to leak out BEFORE things transpired was a dirty trick to pull on someone who had given so many years of loyalty.
I'm a tv news veteran, and well aware of what is at stake and why changes are made. They are purely business decisions, not personal. But it is impossible, as Curry has said, to NOT take it personally when the 'situation' is handled so insensitively.
Some years back, I was the small-market version of Ann Curry, only my exit was somewhat thinly-veiled as a 'new' opportunity. A dear friend of mine suffered the same fate a number of years ago on the morning show of a rival network, again, for the masses to watch.
So i've been doing a lot of empathizing the past couple of weeks with Ms. Curry. Props to her for displaying class and grace, when certainly no one would blame her if she ranted on twitter or Facebook like everyone seems to do these days.
Most people's demotion or firing won't be played out on such a public stage. For the rest of us, if or when it happens, take cues from the likes of Ann Curry, whom I will regard from now on more for being such a class act than for being an experienced correspondent.
If you are on the receiving end of the pink slip, hold your head up high. Hard as it may be, try not to take it personally. Don't exit kicking and screaming. Express nothing but appreciation and gratitude for the opportunity, and the relationships you were able to build. Reserve your criticism, especially in the social media orbit. That workplace bridge may now have cracks in it, but for heaven's sake don't burn it down by badmouthing your former boss or co-wokers.
Curry-gate may be over for NBC, but long after the former co-host resumes filing reports from faraway lands, my hunch is the network will still be remembered for mishandling this employment situation, while Ann Curry will be praised deservedly for the decorum she displayed by rising above the mess and carrying on with a brave face and a head held high. THAT, Really 'Manners' A lot!
Whuh? Winner? That's right! This episode in the network's programming of missteps (remember that guy Conan?) will haunt her the rest of her life, yes. But her heartfelt and tearful goodbye to her television audience this morning, and the way she has conducted herself in recent weeks as the speculation and gossip fueled by anonymous 'insiders' grew in size from a tropical depression to a category four hurricane, was nothing short of graceful and dignified.
She deserves the Emmy the show received. Throw in an Academy Award for best performance while you're at it for having to sit next to co-host Matt Lauer, who reportedly helped seal her fate. Handling herself with the-show-must-go-on composure and still reporting for work is admirable.
Firing someone, or demoting them, is never easy. But shame on the network for breaking the cardinal rule of putting it out there for the courts of public opinion, a few leaks at a time. The anonymous executives who were critical of Curry's style in the NY Times may have hoped they were providing justification for making changes (which they certainly are entitled to do), but allowing information to leak out BEFORE things transpired was a dirty trick to pull on someone who had given so many years of loyalty.
I'm a tv news veteran, and well aware of what is at stake and why changes are made. They are purely business decisions, not personal. But it is impossible, as Curry has said, to NOT take it personally when the 'situation' is handled so insensitively.
Some years back, I was the small-market version of Ann Curry, only my exit was somewhat thinly-veiled as a 'new' opportunity. A dear friend of mine suffered the same fate a number of years ago on the morning show of a rival network, again, for the masses to watch.
So i've been doing a lot of empathizing the past couple of weeks with Ms. Curry. Props to her for displaying class and grace, when certainly no one would blame her if she ranted on twitter or Facebook like everyone seems to do these days.
Most people's demotion or firing won't be played out on such a public stage. For the rest of us, if or when it happens, take cues from the likes of Ann Curry, whom I will regard from now on more for being such a class act than for being an experienced correspondent.
If you are on the receiving end of the pink slip, hold your head up high. Hard as it may be, try not to take it personally. Don't exit kicking and screaming. Express nothing but appreciation and gratitude for the opportunity, and the relationships you were able to build. Reserve your criticism, especially in the social media orbit. That workplace bridge may now have cracks in it, but for heaven's sake don't burn it down by badmouthing your former boss or co-wokers.
Curry-gate may be over for NBC, but long after the former co-host resumes filing reports from faraway lands, my hunch is the network will still be remembered for mishandling this employment situation, while Ann Curry will be praised deservedly for the decorum she displayed by rising above the mess and carrying on with a brave face and a head held high. THAT, Really 'Manners' A lot!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
OUTDOOR ENTERTAINING
'Tis the season to take entertaining outdoors, take formality down a few notches and enjoy the company of family and friends in a relaxed setting. Whether you are having a picnic at a park or a barbecue on the back patio, the focus should be on whom you've invited just as much as what's on the grill.
Invitations are usually telephoned. Impromptu is okay. Despite a more laid-back mood, the menu can be as easy or involved as you like. You can certainly have a beautiful and elegant dinner outdoors with china and crystal, but for casual barbecues, I prefer to keep it simple with plastic cups, utensils and paper plates which make for easy cleanup. Although, if you are grilling meat, have regular steak knives available. Just make sure you count your flatware BEFORE the meal to make sure you still have the same amount at the end of the night and one or two didn't go into the trash.
Have plenty of beverages on hand, and a good variety too. Not everyone may want (or be old enough) to have an alcoholic beverage.
If you are having a picnic elsewhere, pick up after yourself. Dispose of everything in a receptacle. Don't expect the ants to take care of it!
If you are lucky enough to have everything in your own backyard, make the most of it. We turn our water feature on in the pool, have blow up beach balls for the kids, light tiki torches at nightfall, and make sure there are at least three or four different areas to sit, including enough stools around the barbecue's bar.
I'm also big fan of music too. It should blend into the background, not make it impossible to ear what someone is saying. If you have an outdoor entertainment center, find a nice tropical station to help set a festive mood. Better yet, if there is a playoff game on television, turn it on! The men in the group will love it!
Make sure you have plenty of finger food. It can be as easy as shelled peanuts, especially if a baseball game is on, popcorn for the kids, or easy-to-make Nachos.
The most important thing is to bring people together for conversation and good times, and make them feel welcome and as if they never want to leave. The host and hostess set the tone. Long after the last burger has been grilled, the hospitality you offered at your gathering will be what is remembered the most. Now get grilling! Remember, It 'Manners' A lot!
Invitations are usually telephoned. Impromptu is okay. Despite a more laid-back mood, the menu can be as easy or involved as you like. You can certainly have a beautiful and elegant dinner outdoors with china and crystal, but for casual barbecues, I prefer to keep it simple with plastic cups, utensils and paper plates which make for easy cleanup. Although, if you are grilling meat, have regular steak knives available. Just make sure you count your flatware BEFORE the meal to make sure you still have the same amount at the end of the night and one or two didn't go into the trash.
Have plenty of beverages on hand, and a good variety too. Not everyone may want (or be old enough) to have an alcoholic beverage.
If you are having a picnic elsewhere, pick up after yourself. Dispose of everything in a receptacle. Don't expect the ants to take care of it!
If you are lucky enough to have everything in your own backyard, make the most of it. We turn our water feature on in the pool, have blow up beach balls for the kids, light tiki torches at nightfall, and make sure there are at least three or four different areas to sit, including enough stools around the barbecue's bar.
I'm also big fan of music too. It should blend into the background, not make it impossible to ear what someone is saying. If you have an outdoor entertainment center, find a nice tropical station to help set a festive mood. Better yet, if there is a playoff game on television, turn it on! The men in the group will love it!
Make sure you have plenty of finger food. It can be as easy as shelled peanuts, especially if a baseball game is on, popcorn for the kids, or easy-to-make Nachos.
The most important thing is to bring people together for conversation and good times, and make them feel welcome and as if they never want to leave. The host and hostess set the tone. Long after the last burger has been grilled, the hospitality you offered at your gathering will be what is remembered the most. Now get grilling! Remember, It 'Manners' A lot!
Friday, June 15, 2012
LESSONS OF MY FATHER
If, as Hillary Clinton suggested, it takes a village to raise a child, then most certainly the chief of that tribe is dear ole' Dad. He's the head honcho, the guy where the buck stops, and dispensary of priceless wisdom and advice. My father, one of six children born on a farm in the nation's Wheat Belt, brought a lot of Kansas sensibilities with him to California. My sisters and I have been the beneficiaries of his many life lessons from the Plains ever since.
My earliest memories of my father are of his laughter. There's a dry wit that blows off the wheat fields of the Midwest. His has always been couched in subtle irritation or annoyance. I'm convinced his medicine cabinet has been stocked full of laughter all these years. If we can't do anything about it, we might as well laugh about it, he'll say. Of course, not everything in our life has been a laughing matter, but we have always been able to find the humor in something.
Fix it. The father of my children is a brilliant legal eagle, but i'm not sure he would recognize a hammer if he saw one. My father on the other hand, has always been ever at the ready with a tool kit to tackle any household repair. When my mother died, I looked for anything and everything that needed fixing. In time, those menial tasks helped fix his broken heart as well. Time is a gift, don't leave it idling like an engine or let it go to waste, he says. Anything can be repaired, especially fences needing mending.
Family First. At the end of the day, all we have is each other, my father says. Now in the sunset of his life, whether in a hospital bed or medical office waiting room, he will often say, "I don't know what I would do without you girls." The man who brought my sisters and me into this world, cradled us, fed and nurtured us, now finds himself in a reversal of roles. Frankly, I don't know what we would do without him, or his lessons of the importance of honesty, integrity, saying what you mean and meaning what you say, working hard, and loving and laughing even harder.
On this Father's Day, a tip of the hat to my wonderful dad, Herschel Kimble, and all the other men in my life and others who have left indelible marks on their children and grandchildren in their greatest of jobs - fatherhood. It 'Manners' A lot!
My earliest memories of my father are of his laughter. There's a dry wit that blows off the wheat fields of the Midwest. His has always been couched in subtle irritation or annoyance. I'm convinced his medicine cabinet has been stocked full of laughter all these years. If we can't do anything about it, we might as well laugh about it, he'll say. Of course, not everything in our life has been a laughing matter, but we have always been able to find the humor in something.
Fix it. The father of my children is a brilliant legal eagle, but i'm not sure he would recognize a hammer if he saw one. My father on the other hand, has always been ever at the ready with a tool kit to tackle any household repair. When my mother died, I looked for anything and everything that needed fixing. In time, those menial tasks helped fix his broken heart as well. Time is a gift, don't leave it idling like an engine or let it go to waste, he says. Anything can be repaired, especially fences needing mending.
Family First. At the end of the day, all we have is each other, my father says. Now in the sunset of his life, whether in a hospital bed or medical office waiting room, he will often say, "I don't know what I would do without you girls." The man who brought my sisters and me into this world, cradled us, fed and nurtured us, now finds himself in a reversal of roles. Frankly, I don't know what we would do without him, or his lessons of the importance of honesty, integrity, saying what you mean and meaning what you say, working hard, and loving and laughing even harder.
On this Father's Day, a tip of the hat to my wonderful dad, Herschel Kimble, and all the other men in my life and others who have left indelible marks on their children and grandchildren in their greatest of jobs - fatherhood. It 'Manners' A lot!
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