There are all sorts of mothers: Helicopter moms, stage mothers, mother hens. Ask our children and they will tell you I am a mixture of them all. Part Captain Sulley, part Joan Rivers. This morning, not coincidentally at the start of Mother's Day weekend, their mother - the in-house air traffic controller and executive producer of their school day, conducted an experiment. I took myself out of the game. Sidelined and benched. The exercise was a combo deal: I could be temporarily released from my motherly morning duties in order to sleep in AND I could drive home my message that moms shouldn't be taken for granted. Let the natives mange the chaos themselves, I thought.
For some time I have been threatening to give our children under this roof the experience of a lifetime - a walk in mom's bedroom slippers. Underappreciation (and too many school science experiments) had driven me to the brink! It's a pretty pampered world our kids live in here. And i'm solely responsible for creating the morning monsters who regularly get up on the wrong side of the bed, and might as well prefer nails over wheaties for breakfast.
In fairness, I gave them notice - plenty. But apparently it wasn't enough. I expected to sleep through it all, waking up to an empty house and the sound of silence. The calm after the storm. It didn't quite play out that way. Their father awakened ME to ask if our girls were planning to go to school today. The nerve! The Today Show's Ann Curry had already tossed to Al Roker and weather when the kids discoverd they had overslept. Uniforms never touched an iron, and breakfast was a handful of throat losinges. Today at lunch i'm sure they were at the mercy of their friends with handouts.
What I intended to be a lesson to the kids about their reliance on their mother, seemed to fall flat. There was no ah-ha moment for them, like "Mom, please, you have to help me straighten my hair." Just frustration and heavy sighs as they fled the house like a disaster drill in hopes of escaping another tardy slip. (They didn't!)
In their wake, evidence of a harried morning with them flying solo. I may or may not try this again, and it remains to be seen whether the experiment was lost on our children. This much I do know: come Monday morning, this mother will be back 'on duty', appreciative to have uniforms to iron, sandwiches to make, eggs to cook, and beautiful, healthy children to do it for!
To all the mother's in the world, especially my mother-in-law, may your load be lightened, and your special day be filled with love, joy and laughter. After all, it 'Manners' A lot!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
TEACHER APPRECIATION
These are busy days in most households with school-age children: Academic years are coming to a close, finals and graduations are right around the corner. So it was no surprise that National Teacher Day, which was YESTERDAY, came and went without notice or fanfare in our family. Frankly, it slipped through the cracks of the turkey sandwiches i'd packed for the kids' lunch. Score me an F+ on that one. Teacher Appreciation Day should be as celebrated as Mother's Day, and with good reason. The men and women entrusted with the care and education of our children deserve our undying gratitude. In my grade book, every day should be Teacher Day. I might not be able to remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I can vividly recall my Third grade teacher, Mary DeArmond. The desks were bigger than she was, but she reigned over the classroom like a steel magnolia. She was sweet like southern tea and a delight. There were others like Mrs. DeArmond who left an indelible mark on my heart and spirit. Shirliann Swertfager, a mother of ten who was still brave enough to take on a room full of restless teens on the verge of high school, has to be on the vatican's short list for sainthood. Then there was Miss Smile. In case you're wondering, there was absolutely NO correlation between her surname and the facial gesture. She taught countless Garces students to type, but her skills were better suited for Afghanistan. She had a short fuse, and an even shorter wooden ruler to match. If your knuckles made it through the class untouched, it was an A+ day.
Over the years our children have been blessed with amazing teachers as well - kind, compassionate and patient, even when they were tested to the outer limits of insanity. Our oldest, the unofficial record holder for most in-house suspensions at St. Francis school, probably contributed to the premature graying of a few instructors.
Through it all, their grace and committment, rainy day in, fog-delay day out, in sickness and in hyperactivity, in good grades and bad behavior, they have helped shape the most important people in our life - our children. For that I am eternally grateful.
Even if you missed Teacher Appreciation Day as I did, shoot your child's teacher an e-mail, jot them a note, or give them a hug the next time you see them at school. They deserve it! And remember, it 'manners' a lot!
Over the years our children have been blessed with amazing teachers as well - kind, compassionate and patient, even when they were tested to the outer limits of insanity. Our oldest, the unofficial record holder for most in-house suspensions at St. Francis school, probably contributed to the premature graying of a few instructors.
Through it all, their grace and committment, rainy day in, fog-delay day out, in sickness and in hyperactivity, in good grades and bad behavior, they have helped shape the most important people in our life - our children. For that I am eternally grateful.
Even if you missed Teacher Appreciation Day as I did, shoot your child's teacher an e-mail, jot them a note, or give them a hug the next time you see them at school. They deserve it! And remember, it 'manners' a lot!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Lessons Learned
Earlier this month, friend and fellow broadcast journalist Jim Walker, who ascended to great heights in the tv news industry by way of Bakersfield, launched a no-holds-barred blog - a thought-provoking look at everything from politics to fitness, and anything else imagineable in between. This week, in the wake of so much teen violence, he writes about the importance of instilling discipline in our young people.
We all have our ah-ha mistake memory from our childhood. In Jim's case, it was a pack of chewing gum. His recollection is another reminder that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children isn't a brand new car or ipad, but good, old-fashioned discipline by way of reinforcement and structure. No belts, spankings or tar-and-feathering need to be used as they will be no match for standing your ground, being consistent, providing structure, setting limits and making sure a lesson served is a lesson learned. Give it a try. It 'Manners' A lot! And read Jim's post at http://blog.jwloosecannon.com/2012/04/17/how-i-learned-stealing-is-wrong.aspx.
Friday, April 6, 2012
SOCIAL MEDIA'S 10 COMMANDMENTS
In this digital age, it is almost unfathomable to think that Facebook, that great social media vortex of distraction, was once just someone’s quirky idea. Ten years ago no one had any ‘Pinterest’ nor gave a ‘tweet’ about spending absurd amounts of time engaging with complete strangers while pretending the friendships had any real significance.
The only farm that mattered was the ant farm for the science project, not the cartoon plantation where one can amass corn acreage one stalk at a time on Farmville. But today, Facebook, and its spawn social networking sites, are as essential to daily living as food and water if some studies are to be believed. According to Pew Research Center, social networking among adult Internet users has more than doubled since 2008. They have changed the way we live, interact, and do business. Such sites have also cost people jobs, relationships, and reputations.
Just ask former Congressman Anthony Weiner.
According to another Pew study, 11% of adult responders said they had posted something they later regretted. That’s all? I suspect that number is probably much higher. Who doesn’t know of someone who was inexplicably fired or never hired for a job after some questionable status updates or photo shares?
All the crops, pokes, tags, friend requests and deletes are a permanent snapshot of you. Your digital signature engraved in the public domain can come back to haunt you. There are no erasers, just the perma-marker of potential sins serving as cautionary tales.
So absent social media’s Moses, and our inability to live with or without it, here's a tongue-in-cheek guideline of commandments to help prevent social disgrace of biblical proportion. After all, ‘It Manners A Lot.’
1. Thou Shalt not post pictures of any body parts other than the face. It’s Facebook, remember, not breastbook or bootybook. If you want to remain employed or gain acceptance to that prestigious university, don’t share the photographs of last weekend’s wild party. What you post can be held against you!
2. Thou Shalt not covet thy friends’ friends. No one likes a facebook poacher. If you want to friend someone you and others have in common, include a message introducing yourself. There is no obligation to confirm a request either. If the number of your facebook friends exceeds the enrollment at the local junior college, consider pruning or taking a break altogether.
3. Thou Shalt not drag your newfound ‘family’ of acquaintances into your real-life relationship drama. Remember, public domain and privacy don’t mix. Ever. Case in point: The now infamous facebook-ranting, laptop-shooting Jordan family of North Carolina.
4. Thou Shalt avoid being a ‘Debbie Downer’. No one likes a complainer. If you are a daily dose of lemons with your updates and not one soul so much as ‘likes’ your status, it’s time to change your tune.
5. Thou Shalt not post everything you are doing. If you are having your first cup of morning coffee, guess what? So are millions of others. If you are tired and going to bed, just do it! It’s not like we’re going to jump in our cars and drive over to tuck you in! Even in facebookland, there is such as thing as Too Much Information. If you seriously think I will find it interesting that you changed the litter box, we have no business being friends.
6. Thou Shalt not post everything you are thinking either. Profanity and racial slurs have no place here or anywhere else. If you can’t temper your gutter mouth, private message your ‘friend’. The old rule of thumb about avoiding heated discussions about politics and religion at social gatherings applies here too. Sharing something of political interest to you could trigger a ‘comment’ firestorm of opinions from the left and the right. Avoid the mine field of mudslinging.
7. Thou Shalt not be vague or cryptic. You may just simply be at a loss for words when posting ‘thanks for everything’; your 1372 friends may fear for your well-being.
8. Thou Shalt not bombard with challenges. We all have our special projects, and the occasional request for prayer or contribution to a worthy cause is certainly no reason to de-friend someone. But week after week of asking others to repost the color of one’s undergarments or middle name spelled backwards for the sake of cancer research or just because it is second cousin week will be a surefire way to go from ‘friend’ to ‘scroll on by’.
9. Thou Shalt pause before posting, sending, or sharing. Jostens, the national yearbook and graduation company, has launched the public service campaign ‘Pause Before You Post’. So ask yourself, who will be able to see the post, will anyone be embarrassed or hurt by the post, are you proud of it and how would you feel if someone posted it about you? If wouldn’t want to see it on a billboard or the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper, don’t do it!
10. Thou Shalt Profile Prune from time to time. Just like spring cleaning, deleting unwanted friends, comments and photo tags is growing in popularity as the sites become the main communications channel for most. One study suggests two-thirds of profile owners have dropped people from their network, a number that has doubled in the last three years. Remember, it is still YOUR wall, and 'It Manners A lot'.
The only farm that mattered was the ant farm for the science project, not the cartoon plantation where one can amass corn acreage one stalk at a time on Farmville. But today, Facebook, and its spawn social networking sites, are as essential to daily living as food and water if some studies are to be believed. According to Pew Research Center, social networking among adult Internet users has more than doubled since 2008. They have changed the way we live, interact, and do business. Such sites have also cost people jobs, relationships, and reputations.
Just ask former Congressman Anthony Weiner.
According to another Pew study, 11% of adult responders said they had posted something they later regretted. That’s all? I suspect that number is probably much higher. Who doesn’t know of someone who was inexplicably fired or never hired for a job after some questionable status updates or photo shares?
All the crops, pokes, tags, friend requests and deletes are a permanent snapshot of you. Your digital signature engraved in the public domain can come back to haunt you. There are no erasers, just the perma-marker of potential sins serving as cautionary tales.
So absent social media’s Moses, and our inability to live with or without it, here's a tongue-in-cheek guideline of commandments to help prevent social disgrace of biblical proportion. After all, ‘It Manners A Lot.’
1. Thou Shalt not post pictures of any body parts other than the face. It’s Facebook, remember, not breastbook or bootybook. If you want to remain employed or gain acceptance to that prestigious university, don’t share the photographs of last weekend’s wild party. What you post can be held against you!
2. Thou Shalt not covet thy friends’ friends. No one likes a facebook poacher. If you want to friend someone you and others have in common, include a message introducing yourself. There is no obligation to confirm a request either. If the number of your facebook friends exceeds the enrollment at the local junior college, consider pruning or taking a break altogether.
3. Thou Shalt not drag your newfound ‘family’ of acquaintances into your real-life relationship drama. Remember, public domain and privacy don’t mix. Ever. Case in point: The now infamous facebook-ranting, laptop-shooting Jordan family of North Carolina.
4. Thou Shalt avoid being a ‘Debbie Downer’. No one likes a complainer. If you are a daily dose of lemons with your updates and not one soul so much as ‘likes’ your status, it’s time to change your tune.
5. Thou Shalt not post everything you are doing. If you are having your first cup of morning coffee, guess what? So are millions of others. If you are tired and going to bed, just do it! It’s not like we’re going to jump in our cars and drive over to tuck you in! Even in facebookland, there is such as thing as Too Much Information. If you seriously think I will find it interesting that you changed the litter box, we have no business being friends.
6. Thou Shalt not post everything you are thinking either. Profanity and racial slurs have no place here or anywhere else. If you can’t temper your gutter mouth, private message your ‘friend’. The old rule of thumb about avoiding heated discussions about politics and religion at social gatherings applies here too. Sharing something of political interest to you could trigger a ‘comment’ firestorm of opinions from the left and the right. Avoid the mine field of mudslinging.
7. Thou Shalt not be vague or cryptic. You may just simply be at a loss for words when posting ‘thanks for everything’; your 1372 friends may fear for your well-being.
8. Thou Shalt not bombard with challenges. We all have our special projects, and the occasional request for prayer or contribution to a worthy cause is certainly no reason to de-friend someone. But week after week of asking others to repost the color of one’s undergarments or middle name spelled backwards for the sake of cancer research or just because it is second cousin week will be a surefire way to go from ‘friend’ to ‘scroll on by’.
9. Thou Shalt pause before posting, sending, or sharing. Jostens, the national yearbook and graduation company, has launched the public service campaign ‘Pause Before You Post’. So ask yourself, who will be able to see the post, will anyone be embarrassed or hurt by the post, are you proud of it and how would you feel if someone posted it about you? If wouldn’t want to see it on a billboard or the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper, don’t do it!
10. Thou Shalt Profile Prune from time to time. Just like spring cleaning, deleting unwanted friends, comments and photo tags is growing in popularity as the sites become the main communications channel for most. One study suggests two-thirds of profile owners have dropped people from their network, a number that has doubled in the last three years. Remember, it is still YOUR wall, and 'It Manners A lot'.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Red-Eye Flying No Slumber Party
This blog had a completely different itinerary, until it was hijacked two nights ago by the gentleman behind me in seat 42B aboard a Delta red-eye flight bound for an airport two time zones away. For a moment I wondered if perhaps this middle-aged man was on his first airplane ride. Doubtful.
Flying in the middle of the night used to have its own set of unspoken rules. First and foremost: Take your seat, buckle up, and call it a night! But somewhere between SFO and JFK, those rules went the way of complimentary on-board meal service to the land of lost luggage. My thoughtless seat mate to the rear decided to descend into the dark night with his overhead light on for the duration of the trip, as if his row was going to help navigate us onto the tarmac safely. Then he engaged his poor companion in non-stop conversation which sounded more like a deposition. He completed his cruel triage on the rest of us by playing with the wrapper of his purchased food, every crinkle, tear and peel like his own concierto of incivility.
Some people like meeting strangers, but after 10 p.m., forget about it. Save the small talk for the landing when everyone will be awake in the predawn darkness whether they like it or not. When the interior lights have been turned off, that signals slumber-time. Of course, not everyone , no matter how many sleeping pills or mask or cocktails, can nap on an overnight plane flight. If you're one of them, it is still no excuse for disregarding the public air space of one's neighbors. If you must read, or work, opt for a personal book light instead of the overhead beam. Everyone around you will thank you in the morning. And honor that code of silence - literally. If you think extending this basic courtesy to your fellow passengers is impossible, next time, book a midday flight, or take the train. And remember, 'It Manners A lot'.
Flying in the middle of the night used to have its own set of unspoken rules. First and foremost: Take your seat, buckle up, and call it a night! But somewhere between SFO and JFK, those rules went the way of complimentary on-board meal service to the land of lost luggage. My thoughtless seat mate to the rear decided to descend into the dark night with his overhead light on for the duration of the trip, as if his row was going to help navigate us onto the tarmac safely. Then he engaged his poor companion in non-stop conversation which sounded more like a deposition. He completed his cruel triage on the rest of us by playing with the wrapper of his purchased food, every crinkle, tear and peel like his own concierto of incivility.
Some people like meeting strangers, but after 10 p.m., forget about it. Save the small talk for the landing when everyone will be awake in the predawn darkness whether they like it or not. When the interior lights have been turned off, that signals slumber-time. Of course, not everyone , no matter how many sleeping pills or mask or cocktails, can nap on an overnight plane flight. If you're one of them, it is still no excuse for disregarding the public air space of one's neighbors. If you must read, or work, opt for a personal book light instead of the overhead beam. Everyone around you will thank you in the morning. And honor that code of silence - literally. If you think extending this basic courtesy to your fellow passengers is impossible, next time, book a midday flight, or take the train. And remember, 'It Manners A lot'.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS!
No place are declining social graces more glaring than inside a house of worship. Sadly, it is regarded as common place, but whether it be inside a church, temple, synogogue, basilica, cathedral or chapel - inappropriate behavior is not only rude, but irreverent and about as subtle as the parting of the Red Sea.
The Catholic Guy's Lino Rulli has devoted entire radio shows to the topic, and places of worship do their best to remind the faithful through weekly or monthly bulletins, but the word according to the book of decency is still falling on plenty of deaf ears.
This weekend, at the rear of a Catholic church where a newly-installed Bishop was presiding over a Confirmation service, there stood a disinterested family, taking photos on their i-phone, then critiquing their shots. All the while the Celebration of Mass was underway, as jaws dropped and eyeballs rolled.
A few rows up, sat others chewing away their afternoon. Standing along the aisle, still others giggled.
Holy Inappropriateness! What happened to reverence, I wondered? Have people forgotten, or has no one been taught about such basic public behavior? I would have been wacked from here to Dublin with the wooden ruler of Sister Mary Mighty.
Another set of commandments, one reserved for civilized behavior inside a place of worship, is long overdue.
1. Thou Shalt not chew gum. De-clase, no matter how expensive the clothing you are wearing.
2.Thou Shalt not allow children to disrupt. If you didn't bring along small toys for fidgety youngsters, find the crying room, or take the kids outside.
3. Thou Shalt not talk. Whispering is as distracting as giggling.
4. Thou Shalt not use electronic devices, even if you are desperate to get in touch with your maker. If you can't be disconnected for an hour in worship, you belong in the confessional!
5. Thou Shalt not be late. All eyes, ears and intentions should be focused forward, not on the entrance to the venue.
6. Thou Shalt dress appropriately. I know, this is subject to absurd interpretation, but for starters, men, hats off; ladies, if you or anyone else at home thinks you look like a Vegas show girl, cover up.
Remember, too, that even though you may not practice the service's particular faith, common courtesy and consideration of others knows no specific denomination. After all, 'It Manners A lot'!
The Catholic Guy's Lino Rulli has devoted entire radio shows to the topic, and places of worship do their best to remind the faithful through weekly or monthly bulletins, but the word according to the book of decency is still falling on plenty of deaf ears.
This weekend, at the rear of a Catholic church where a newly-installed Bishop was presiding over a Confirmation service, there stood a disinterested family, taking photos on their i-phone, then critiquing their shots. All the while the Celebration of Mass was underway, as jaws dropped and eyeballs rolled.
A few rows up, sat others chewing away their afternoon. Standing along the aisle, still others giggled.
Holy Inappropriateness! What happened to reverence, I wondered? Have people forgotten, or has no one been taught about such basic public behavior? I would have been wacked from here to Dublin with the wooden ruler of Sister Mary Mighty.
Another set of commandments, one reserved for civilized behavior inside a place of worship, is long overdue.
1. Thou Shalt not chew gum. De-clase, no matter how expensive the clothing you are wearing.
2.Thou Shalt not allow children to disrupt. If you didn't bring along small toys for fidgety youngsters, find the crying room, or take the kids outside.
3. Thou Shalt not talk. Whispering is as distracting as giggling.
4. Thou Shalt not use electronic devices, even if you are desperate to get in touch with your maker. If you can't be disconnected for an hour in worship, you belong in the confessional!
5. Thou Shalt not be late. All eyes, ears and intentions should be focused forward, not on the entrance to the venue.
6. Thou Shalt dress appropriately. I know, this is subject to absurd interpretation, but for starters, men, hats off; ladies, if you or anyone else at home thinks you look like a Vegas show girl, cover up.
Remember, too, that even though you may not practice the service's particular faith, common courtesy and consideration of others knows no specific denomination. After all, 'It Manners A lot'!
Monday, March 12, 2012
TICKED AT TIP-PANDERING?
Tipping is nothing new. It is customary in many circles for a variety of services. Even the rise in recent years in the number of 'tip jars' at unlikely walk-up counters as the economy began to fall doesn't even faze most anymore. But yesterday, I discovered, it IS possible to take that twist-on-making-a-fast buck to an even more ridiculous level. The automated self-serve car wash. Really?!
Those 'tip' containers are so commonplace at burger joints and coffee stops, that it took a minute to re-sensitize my sensibilities. Then I wondered, for what service am I expressing my delight with the superb treatment? How politely that car wash cheerleader took my money and handed me a trash bag? Come to think of it, that guy with the perma-smirk did manage to wave me onto the automated rails without incident or mowing him down, and I did understand what he meant when, using sign language, he pointed to the instructions on the wall that told me to put my vehicle in neutral. But from there I really was on my own. Maybe I deserve a tip! I was the one guiding my vehicle onto those automated rails through the Lava lather rinse. I was the one who did the heavy lifting/vacuming. But by the time I reached the green light to exit (by myself), I was still wondering who else would reap from any moneys deposited in that 'tip' container? Mmmmmm....the guy who empties the trash containers, maybe? The landscaper? The automotive repairmen across the street? This is a slippery slope, I know.
For the record, when I'm not in a hurry, and take my office-on-wheels to be handwashed, I can be accused of going overboard when it comes to tipping. They deserve it, every wipe, wax and swish of the vacuum.
But when we are expected to treat the person who guides us into the do-it-yourself car wash with the same monetary expression of appreciation as we would our hairstylist or the concierge, something has really gone haywire. After all, 'It Manners A lot'.
Those 'tip' containers are so commonplace at burger joints and coffee stops, that it took a minute to re-sensitize my sensibilities. Then I wondered, for what service am I expressing my delight with the superb treatment? How politely that car wash cheerleader took my money and handed me a trash bag? Come to think of it, that guy with the perma-smirk did manage to wave me onto the automated rails without incident or mowing him down, and I did understand what he meant when, using sign language, he pointed to the instructions on the wall that told me to put my vehicle in neutral. But from there I really was on my own. Maybe I deserve a tip! I was the one guiding my vehicle onto those automated rails through the Lava lather rinse. I was the one who did the heavy lifting/vacuming. But by the time I reached the green light to exit (by myself), I was still wondering who else would reap from any moneys deposited in that 'tip' container? Mmmmmm....the guy who empties the trash containers, maybe? The landscaper? The automotive repairmen across the street? This is a slippery slope, I know.
For the record, when I'm not in a hurry, and take my office-on-wheels to be handwashed, I can be accused of going overboard when it comes to tipping. They deserve it, every wipe, wax and swish of the vacuum.
But when we are expected to treat the person who guides us into the do-it-yourself car wash with the same monetary expression of appreciation as we would our hairstylist or the concierge, something has really gone haywire. After all, 'It Manners A lot'.
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