Monday, October 31, 2011
HALLOWEEN 411
Here they come: Ghosts, goblins, aliens and zombies, some on foot, others in strollers or atop their parent's shoulders. However they arrive, may these monsters be civilized, and those doling out the loot be pleasant and gracious tonight. Not everyone welcomes this ancient celebration - cavity-conscious parents, irascible neighbors, homeowners with newly-seeded front lawns, but as sweet teeth rejoice, there is something undeniably Fall-ish about costumed-children criss-crossing the street, trick-or-treating from house to house. Inevitably, there will be some for whom creepy costumes and wickedly bad behavior will crawl out of the woodwork hand in hand this evening. With that, here's a Halloween primer guaranteed to make fright night a pleasant one for everyone. If your youngsters are ringing the bell, remind them to be respectful and appreciative, and say thank you. If you are the one handing out the goods, be kind and generous. I blogged about this last month, but it bears repeating: If the lights are on, the candy store is open for business. No costume, no candy. My cutoff is 14 and under. No teeth, no stash. Grown men and women with pillow linens needn't waste their time. If you fall into one of these categories, don't curse at me or steal my yard decorations. Some neighbors will go to great lengths to avoid foot traffic on their front lawns by cordoning them off with crime scene tape. As for the rest, use the front walk or driveway. And even though the excitement will be too much to contain, no one wants strangers trampling overthemselves into the entryway, hands first into the candy bowl. Believe me, we have been expecting you - for 364 days! We know you're coming, and one knock or ring of the door bell is sufficient. If our house is darker than the morgue, just assume no one is home and move on. This year Halloween falls on a school night, thankfully. Homework and a good night's sleep will trump the fun at some point. If you are the designated door greeter in your house, even though this mob might be high on sugar, greet Willy Wonka and Lady Liberty with cheer. If you run out of loot, don't panic. But don't start handing out loose change or cans from the pantry either. When your supply has dwindled, turn out all the exterior lights. Everyone knows that's Halloween code for ‘do not bother’. Unless you want to invite disappoint, don't answer the door anyway to explain how sorry you are that you have nothing left to give. Whichever side of the door you are on this evening, have fun and keep it civilized. Afterall, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'. Happy Halloween.
Friday, October 21, 2011
HANDS OFF!
Forget Reality television, the real motherlode of televised incivility these days appears to be presidential debates. This week's GOP debate in Las Vegas showcased would-be world leaders behaving worse than mean girls at the junior high lockers. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and Texas Governor Rick Perry, interlocked in a verbal wrestling match over fact versus fiction, did little to demonstrate their gentlemanly side, but spun the 'impolite' ball around the room like a roulette wheel. Perry couldn't wait to finish Romney's sentences; Romney found Perry irresistable apparently. Evidently Romney decided it was time to show America, and his challengers, that he really is a 'hands on' sorta guy. What a guy! Now they can add 'poster boy for rudeness' to their political resumes. A person's public personal space should always be respected. It is a golden rule in business and professional settings. Keep your hands to yourself. It was condescending of Romney to place his hand on his opponent's shoulder just as much as it was disrespectful of Perry to continually interrupt his neighbor. It wasn't as if these two 'buddies' had just finished shooting hoops and were headed out to grab some cold ones. Nor was this the warm, touchy-feely exchange of a few years ago between First Lady Michelle Obama and Queen Elizabeth, with each woman genuinely patting the back of the other, inspite of centuries-old protocal. The gesture had Fleet Street up in arms, but was never really viewed as anything other than an expression of sincerity. This week's behavior by men who aspire to be the next president of the United States was embarrasing, juvenile and uncalled for. Next time these guys get together, make sure they are separated by lucite panels and Anna Post is the moderator. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'.
Monday, October 17, 2011
SAY WHAT?
"OhNoHeJustDidn't!" That was my first thought at the conclusion of Saturday night's football game in Eugene between the Oregon Ducks and Arizona State Sun Devils. There stood perenially-wound up Coach Chip Kelly, the night's victor, about to answer a question from perky ESPN's Erin Andrews. Mid-syllable, Kelly turns to the overzealous fans behind him and spoke the two words i'm sure he'll never utter again, at least on national televison: SHUT UP! Seriously? I may have been stunned, but Andrews clearly was thrilled to know that Kelly had her back when she said very matter-of-fact, "thank you." In her defense, anyone who has worked in front of a television camera knows what it is like to have morons jumping up and down in the back of your live shot. It can be unnerving to say the least. And she gets that stuff alot more than Kelly does, yet i've never seen her sink to the depths he did on Saturday night. His scolding of his own fans on national television ignited a debate in our house. Full disclosure: We are Oregon Duck fanatics, so the discussion of whether it was a big deal was a spirited one. I agree with my husband, the true Duck in the family, who acknowleged that Kelly could have used a bit more tact, or turned around and said politely, "hey guys, show some respect." Bottom line, telling someone to shut up, let alone a group of them on national television when you should be on top of the world is NEVER OKAY! If it is a co-worker or airline seatmate babbling incessantly, pop in head phones or mention that you have some work to do. It is a popular command among siblings, I know. But may Kelly's final play of the night serve as a reminder that asking someone to quiet down should never include the words 'SHUT' and 'UP'! Afterall, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'!
Friday, October 14, 2011
SOMETHING ELSE TO CHEW ON
I've blogged about this before, but channel surfing through E Entertainment Television made me drop the remote. Surely Lamar Odom, handsome from head to toe in the front row of sister-in-law Kim Kardashian's Fairy Tale Wedding that by now has been viewed by billions of people, shooting stars, aliens and even groundhogs - was not chomping away on a piece of gum before television lenses!
It was someone else, I thought. It wasn't. He's not really chewing, probably just yawning in boredom until the NBA matter is resolved, or the vows are over, whichever comes first. He was. I wanted to grab him by the bow tie and dunk him!
And we've all seen our share of Lamars: the mourners at a funeral, the church-goers at Sunday's service, the peppy secretary at the front desk - all chomping away on a wad of gum! Emily Post once wrote, 'It is still impossible to imagine a lady walking on a city street and either chewing gum or smoking.' Sure, she wrote that before color television, ipods and the Kardashian clan came along, but imagine what she would think today? It is a bad habit practiced so regularly now that many people aren't even aware that it is in poor taste and disrespectful. If polite, civilized behavior is based on the tenet of respect, then how inconsiderate is it to worship in God's house, gather to witness a marriage, or conduct business while chewing like a cow? Not only is it rude, but it is a guaranteed impression-buster. If you're going to go to the trouble and expense of suiting up for an important or special occasion, why undo your efforts with gum-chewing? You might as well light up a cigarette and grab a flask while you're at it. This nervous habit is not lady-like nor gentlemanly and is best left in the privacy of your own home or car. So from my keyboard to Lamar's ears, here's hoping before the Fairy Tale Reunion episode, Kris or Bruce discreetly offered the Laker a tissue. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot."
It was someone else, I thought. It wasn't. He's not really chewing, probably just yawning in boredom until the NBA matter is resolved, or the vows are over, whichever comes first. He was. I wanted to grab him by the bow tie and dunk him!
And we've all seen our share of Lamars: the mourners at a funeral, the church-goers at Sunday's service, the peppy secretary at the front desk - all chomping away on a wad of gum! Emily Post once wrote, 'It is still impossible to imagine a lady walking on a city street and either chewing gum or smoking.' Sure, she wrote that before color television, ipods and the Kardashian clan came along, but imagine what she would think today? It is a bad habit practiced so regularly now that many people aren't even aware that it is in poor taste and disrespectful. If polite, civilized behavior is based on the tenet of respect, then how inconsiderate is it to worship in God's house, gather to witness a marriage, or conduct business while chewing like a cow? Not only is it rude, but it is a guaranteed impression-buster. If you're going to go to the trouble and expense of suiting up for an important or special occasion, why undo your efforts with gum-chewing? You might as well light up a cigarette and grab a flask while you're at it. This nervous habit is not lady-like nor gentlemanly and is best left in the privacy of your own home or car. So from my keyboard to Lamar's ears, here's hoping before the Fairy Tale Reunion episode, Kris or Bruce discreetly offered the Laker a tissue. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot."
Saturday, September 24, 2011
FRIGHT NIGHT & FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
October treats us to a bounty of autumnal delights - the whiff of cooler weather to come, the possibility of wearing a sweater before Thanksgiving, the dream holiday of sweet teeth everywhere dreaded by dentists and cranky neighbors that is Halloween, and homecoming floats and touchdowns.
These fall rituals we look forward to every year can also be spooky if incivility is in the end zone or comes to the front door dressed in costume. No one likes a poor sport, or worse yet, a sore parent shrieking in delirium and pantomime from the sidelines. And your little angel may trick-or-treat as a monster, but grill it into them like tri-tip the importance of acting like a lady or gentleman when they ring the bell. After all, it really DOES ‘Manner A lot’.
By now, chances are everyone’s seen a parent or two behaving badly from the sidelines of a local football or soccer game this season. They are easy to spot. Their face is as red as Red Vines, their verbal tsunami will surely lead to a stroke if they aren’t restrained by cheerleaders. Don’t be one of those parents, unless your goal is to humiliate yourself, your child, and clear the bleachers around you in ten seconds.
There is no grace in being a sore loser or an armchair quarterback from the first row of the stands. The late, great John Wooden said, “things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out”. If only parents had to sign an agreement to that effect before watching a game. Good sportsmanship on the part of our student athletes should go hand in hand with our own better fansmanship.
Temper your expectations and lock your ego in the car’s glove compartment. Respect the coaches, the referees, their players and calls. Don’t confront them outside the locker room with physical threats. And keep it clean too. Hurling obscenities from the bleachers won’t help move the ball or change the score. Competition is healthy, getting ugly in one’s overzealousness is toxic! As easy as it is to lose ourselves and common sense in the blinding Friday night lights, unbridled enthusiasm should never include yelling instructions from the sidelines.
One wouldn’t dream of walking into the classroom to tell the instructor how to teach or scold the student for not learning better. Don’t do it from the turf! This isn’t the national championship. Don’t take it so seriously. Remember, it isn’t in the victory that we learn about ourselves, but in the losses and defeats. Emily Post wrote that if someone ‘can’t take sports with grace and good temper, then don’t go in for them’. Winners don’t gloat; Losers don’t sulk!
Fright Night, when creepy costumes and wickedly bad behavior alike come crawling out of the woodwork, shouldn’t scare homeowners into shuttering their house, cordon off their yard with crime scene tape, hide under the beds or leave town rather than endure the endless stream of manner-less monsters? This playbook is simple: be a respectful, appreciative trespasser and a kind and generous neighbor. If the lights are on, the candy bar is open for business. No costume, no candy. My cutoff is 14 and under. You may have been transported in from three zip codes away, but as cute as the toothless newborn ninja in the stroller looks, even I know she won’t be having the Snickers for breakfast. No teeth, no stash. Adults with pillow linens need not apply. If you are politely denied, don’t threaten me, swear as you walk away, or steal my Styrofoam headstones.
If you qualify, please don’t cut across the newly-seeded lawn or force your way into my entryway. We are expecting you. One knock or ring of the door bell is sufficient. If the home looks darker than the Munster Mansion on Mockingbird Lane, assume no one is home and move on. When Halloween falls on a school night, the timing has a way of taking care of itself. Either way, after 8 or 8:30, consider calling it quits. And remember those other all-important words besides trick-or-treat: thank you!
If you are the designated candy patron, save the homemade popcorn witch hats for friends or the neighbors’ kids. Greet Buzz LightYear and Woody cheerfully, even if they are part of a mob high on fructose. If you run out of loot, don’t start dolling out change, canned vegetables or leftovers. Let’s face it, this is a sweet tooth’s senior prom. It is no time to give a penny for their thoughts or cleanout the pantry! When your supply has dwindled, turn out all the exterior lights. Everyone should know that’s Halloween code for ‘do not bother’. Likewise, there is no need to answer the door in the dark to explain how sorry you are that you have nothing left to hand out.
Whichever side of the door or sideline you’re on, be civilized.
These fall rituals we look forward to every year can also be spooky if incivility is in the end zone or comes to the front door dressed in costume. No one likes a poor sport, or worse yet, a sore parent shrieking in delirium and pantomime from the sidelines. And your little angel may trick-or-treat as a monster, but grill it into them like tri-tip the importance of acting like a lady or gentleman when they ring the bell. After all, it really DOES ‘Manner A lot’.
By now, chances are everyone’s seen a parent or two behaving badly from the sidelines of a local football or soccer game this season. They are easy to spot. Their face is as red as Red Vines, their verbal tsunami will surely lead to a stroke if they aren’t restrained by cheerleaders. Don’t be one of those parents, unless your goal is to humiliate yourself, your child, and clear the bleachers around you in ten seconds.
There is no grace in being a sore loser or an armchair quarterback from the first row of the stands. The late, great John Wooden said, “things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out”. If only parents had to sign an agreement to that effect before watching a game. Good sportsmanship on the part of our student athletes should go hand in hand with our own better fansmanship.
Temper your expectations and lock your ego in the car’s glove compartment. Respect the coaches, the referees, their players and calls. Don’t confront them outside the locker room with physical threats. And keep it clean too. Hurling obscenities from the bleachers won’t help move the ball or change the score. Competition is healthy, getting ugly in one’s overzealousness is toxic! As easy as it is to lose ourselves and common sense in the blinding Friday night lights, unbridled enthusiasm should never include yelling instructions from the sidelines.
One wouldn’t dream of walking into the classroom to tell the instructor how to teach or scold the student for not learning better. Don’t do it from the turf! This isn’t the national championship. Don’t take it so seriously. Remember, it isn’t in the victory that we learn about ourselves, but in the losses and defeats. Emily Post wrote that if someone ‘can’t take sports with grace and good temper, then don’t go in for them’. Winners don’t gloat; Losers don’t sulk!
Fright Night, when creepy costumes and wickedly bad behavior alike come crawling out of the woodwork, shouldn’t scare homeowners into shuttering their house, cordon off their yard with crime scene tape, hide under the beds or leave town rather than endure the endless stream of manner-less monsters? This playbook is simple: be a respectful, appreciative trespasser and a kind and generous neighbor. If the lights are on, the candy bar is open for business. No costume, no candy. My cutoff is 14 and under. You may have been transported in from three zip codes away, but as cute as the toothless newborn ninja in the stroller looks, even I know she won’t be having the Snickers for breakfast. No teeth, no stash. Adults with pillow linens need not apply. If you are politely denied, don’t threaten me, swear as you walk away, or steal my Styrofoam headstones.
If you qualify, please don’t cut across the newly-seeded lawn or force your way into my entryway. We are expecting you. One knock or ring of the door bell is sufficient. If the home looks darker than the Munster Mansion on Mockingbird Lane, assume no one is home and move on. When Halloween falls on a school night, the timing has a way of taking care of itself. Either way, after 8 or 8:30, consider calling it quits. And remember those other all-important words besides trick-or-treat: thank you!
If you are the designated candy patron, save the homemade popcorn witch hats for friends or the neighbors’ kids. Greet Buzz LightYear and Woody cheerfully, even if they are part of a mob high on fructose. If you run out of loot, don’t start dolling out change, canned vegetables or leftovers. Let’s face it, this is a sweet tooth’s senior prom. It is no time to give a penny for their thoughts or cleanout the pantry! When your supply has dwindled, turn out all the exterior lights. Everyone should know that’s Halloween code for ‘do not bother’. Likewise, there is no need to answer the door in the dark to explain how sorry you are that you have nothing left to hand out.
Whichever side of the door or sideline you’re on, be civilized.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
UNFRIENDLY SKIES
There are a number of things I have always wanted to do from 30,000 feet above sea level: Take a bubble bath, have first class all to myself, and post a blog. On this trip from ATL to LAX, one out of three isn't bad. An earlier connecting flight from MEM provided great fodder and another display of frustrating incivility. I'm not sure what is worse -the teething toddler in excruciating pain or the adult motormouth who intends on making small talk from takeoff to taxing to the gate! We were treated to the latter - a 75 minute chat-a-thon between the man two rows behind us and the poor woman seated next to him who made the mistake of saying hello.
Polite conversation is one thing; talking so loudly you have pulled everyone else around you within a 10 row radius on both sides of the aisle into your babbling about your family reunion in Tupalo is downright inconsiderate. Assuming the seat mate really was interested in hearing about how many times you have riden It's A Small World, turn down the volume! Airplanes are tight quarters, not Grand Central Station. If you are going to hold a fellow passenger hostage in a verbal head lock for an entire flight, at the very least, don't wait until the plane has landed to start making the conversation a two-way one. Should you be unlucky enough to be seated next a chatterbox like this, smile, be polite, then whip out a book, headphones or laptop faster than the speed of light. If the blather continues, there is nothing wrong at this point with mentioning that while you'd love to visit about the weather in Wichita, you have some work to do. Afterall, the friendly skies should be considerate, not monopolizing. It really DOES 'Manner A lot'!
Polite conversation is one thing; talking so loudly you have pulled everyone else around you within a 10 row radius on both sides of the aisle into your babbling about your family reunion in Tupalo is downright inconsiderate. Assuming the seat mate really was interested in hearing about how many times you have riden It's A Small World, turn down the volume! Airplanes are tight quarters, not Grand Central Station. If you are going to hold a fellow passenger hostage in a verbal head lock for an entire flight, at the very least, don't wait until the plane has landed to start making the conversation a two-way one. Should you be unlucky enough to be seated next a chatterbox like this, smile, be polite, then whip out a book, headphones or laptop faster than the speed of light. If the blather continues, there is nothing wrong at this point with mentioning that while you'd love to visit about the weather in Wichita, you have some work to do. Afterall, the friendly skies should be considerate, not monopolizing. It really DOES 'Manner A lot'!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
MUSINGS FROM THE ROAD
Author Elizabeth Drew one wrote “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation.” I have a hunch she penned that observation from a rest stop in between family road trips. If you're miles away from civilization and the incivility broadcast on Bravo, take a pen and paper with you while on vacation and take note of the no-no's that seem to abound these days.
Continental breakfasts are a staple of most off-the-highway lodging. Maybe it is time to post the same 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' signs that greet diners and bar patrons. Note to shirtless guy inhaling pre-microwaved hash browns: you may have just rolled out of bed, but you needn't look like it when you're in a public space! Shoeless is fine if you're in the shower, not at the breakfast buffet.
Part of the fun of traveling is exploring new places and sampling different cultures. Memo to loud guys by the entrance to a local eatery: When patrons at nearby tables can't tell whether they are in a recommended local micro-brewery or yankee stadium as they attempt to eat and drink like the natives, it's time to stop behaving like animals.
Poking fun of the housekeeping staff, nabbing a dozen freshly baked cookies instead of one upon check-in, and splashing other guests with your cannonn balls at the hotel pool is guaranteed, as Drew wrote, to lengthen the conversations about incivility on roadways and byways of the great American summer vacation. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'. Happy Trails!
Continental breakfasts are a staple of most off-the-highway lodging. Maybe it is time to post the same 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' signs that greet diners and bar patrons. Note to shirtless guy inhaling pre-microwaved hash browns: you may have just rolled out of bed, but you needn't look like it when you're in a public space! Shoeless is fine if you're in the shower, not at the breakfast buffet.
Part of the fun of traveling is exploring new places and sampling different cultures. Memo to loud guys by the entrance to a local eatery: When patrons at nearby tables can't tell whether they are in a recommended local micro-brewery or yankee stadium as they attempt to eat and drink like the natives, it's time to stop behaving like animals.
Poking fun of the housekeeping staff, nabbing a dozen freshly baked cookies instead of one upon check-in, and splashing other guests with your cannonn balls at the hotel pool is guaranteed, as Drew wrote, to lengthen the conversations about incivility on roadways and byways of the great American summer vacation. After all, it really DOES 'Manner A lot'. Happy Trails!
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